Danielle was the typical beautiful bride. Her beaming smile lit the room as her father proudly walked her down the aisle. Donnie waited patiently at the front of the church, and his grin broadened when their eyes met. As the minister began to speak, they stood quietly and listened intently as he read from the Bible and asked them to repeat their vows. When they were introduced as husband and wife the audience greeted them with applause.

I couldn’t help but think about our own wedding day. In the 34 years since, a lot of water has spilled from our glass. Our marriage is strong and solid now, but there was a time when it wasn’t. I thought about the many friends whose marriages failed and I dreaded the lessons Donnie and my niece Danielle would have to learn if their marriage was to survive. Was their anything I could tell them to help them prepare for their new life? I wondered. As they walked out of the church building and into their new life together, I prayed for their happiness and their marriage. Many couples don’t comprehend the magnitude of their marriage vows.

What can couples do to ensure their future marriage will last? To help answer the question, let’s explore the idea of premarital counseling.

The weeks leading up to my marriage didn’t include premarital counseling. In fact, I didn’t meet the minister who performed our marriage ceremony until the night before the wedding. My minister was out of town. The preacher who agreed to perform the ceremony neither mentioned nor required counseling.

My son was the minister who performed Danielle and Donnie’s wedding. He believes all couples should undergo intense counseling and has a set of questions he gives the couple to complete separately before going over them together. He understands the importance of couples knowing about each other and this surprise quiz usually opens opportunity for dialogue about various topics.

Thankfully Danielle and Donnie agreed to and successfully completed premarital counseling. Is this something every couple should consider? I met with Ronnie “Butch” Pennington, a minister who is a strong proponent for premarital counseling to get some answers.

Mr. Pennington has been in the ministry for nearly 35 years. He has witnessed and performed many marriages and watched many unravel. He asserts there are certain things couples need to know before entering into marriage.

His first meeting with a couple helps him determine the amount of counseling needed. He considers the age of the couple, their life experiences, and their spiritual maturity. He often leaves it up to the couple as to how far they want to go with the counseling.

Mr. Pennington believes there are five areas every couple should explore and discuss before marriage.

Finances. Every couple should learn how to budget their money, balance a checkbook, and grasp the financial requirements of a marriage. Financial issues can place a strain on a new marriage.

Communication. Couples often fall short here. They need to learn to talk to each other. Learning the heart of the other person is vital to a successful marriage. Couples who don’t talk to each other or share feelings, good or bad, are traveling a bumpy road.

Physical Intimacy. This is an area some are not comfortable talking about, but Mr. Pennington believes it is important for couples to know what the Bible says about this subject. He wants couples to understand this is one of the top three reasons for divorce. Understanding your mate’s expectations is vital to any marriage.

In-laws. Couples should realize they aren’t marrying their in-laws, but it is important to get along with them. Couples need to be careful not to involve in-laws in their disagreements. This only creates tension and strife within the family.

Children. It is important to come to an agreement on raising children and understand each other’s philosophy regarding child rearing. For example, does one believe in spanking children when the other strongly opposes it? Does one want to begin a family soon while the other wants to wait?

I asked several women in my workplace, church, and family this question:

“What do couples need to know before getting married?” Here’s what they said.

Let’s look into the lives of some of the women I interviewed to discover if their life experiences match those Mr. Pennington discussed.

Married 35 years with one son, the first respondent is a Christian committed to her marriage. There were signs of problems from the beginning. Their marital problems have followed them over the years—hovering like a vulture, waiting to feast on the ruins. Much of her unhappiness comes from disagreements about raising their son.

The second respondent is on her second marriage. The first ended because of infidelity. She and her first husband have a child together. Now that she is a Christian, she emphatically agrees that had she been a Christian when she and her first husband married, the outcome would be different. Problems they encounter have to do with finances and their ex-spouses. She believes her bringing a child into the marriage adds some stress, but adds that her current husband treats her daughter well.

The third respondent is younger than her husband. Neither attends church. The first two years of marriage were so rocky she admits contemplating divorce. Sexual (not infidelity) and money issues almost destroyed their marriage. While she is much happier now and feels her marriage will survive, she confesses that some of the old problems are still there. She didn’t go through premarital counseling and doesn’t know if it would have helped.

The fourth respondent attends my church. She and her husband have been married for 70 years with many problems along their way. They’ve had to work hard to provide for their family, but only recall happy times in their marriage. Both agree they have had their fair share of arguments and disagreements, but insist that those little distractions along the marriage trail are to be expected. They agree that communication is a key element in a strong marriage.

The fifth respondent cannot get along with her mother-in-law. She complains that her mother-in-law constantly meddles and tries to keep conflict going all the time. This issue causes problems in her marriage and when she complains to her husband about his mother, he becomes angry. This is a second marriage for both and they have children from previous marriages that add even more stress to the marriage.

Marriage takes commitment and lots of hard work; but it’s worth the effort. If couples approach marriage with knowledge and a willingness to work together, their lives will be blessed and their marriage will last.

The happiest marriages have spiritual foundations. Delving into the Bible and studying God’s Word together make for a stronger marriage.

A few months after Danielle and Donnie’s wedding, I checked in with them to see how things were going. Danielle is happy they agreed to premarital counseling. She said it made them think about things they would never have considered. She believes all couples contemplating marriage should consider the benefits of premarital counseling.

Danielle is a pretty smart girl. I think she and Donnie will do just fine. |L