Over the highway and through the traffic to grandmother’s condo we go! A slight variation on the traditional song, but one that fits the status of many grandparents today. Gone are the stereotypes and in place are new ways of looking at Grandma and Grandpa—and what that means in our mobile society, where grandparents are as much on the move in their cars and RVs as their grandchildren are on skateboards and bikes.

As I look at my friends who are grandparents, I see there is no single way to be or to behave. In fact, there seems to be a freedom available today that grandparents of yesterday might not have experienced or dared express. Aren’t we the lucky ones!

The essential thing has not changed, however, and that is our presence in the lives of our granddaughters and grandsons. What matters to the children is who we are in our relationship with them. How can we make the most of this awesome privilege and responsibility we share? Here are some steps to consider based on input from grandparents I’ve spoken with and my own experience.

“Mom, I called to ask for prayer.” My friend Lee’s daughter was frantic. Her eight-year-old daughter had been in a biking accident and blacked out. I relayed this account to others in our prayer group and we all stormed Heaven on her behalf. Our children and grandchildren often look to us for prayer. Even my son, who professed at one time that he didn’t believe in God, called me when a friend of his was in a life-threatening water-skiing accident. As we depend on God, we will experience his grace in our own lives and in those of our children and grandchildren.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“You ought to close the door on him. He’s a disgrace to your family.” When Bob heard those words from a person he counted as a friend, he cringed. How could Bob give up on his 17-year-old grandson, the boy named after him, the child he had held and rocked and watched grow up? The day Bob found out Bobby was called into the principal’s office for passing drugs was the darkest day of his life. But Bob chose to show his love by helping the young man enroll in a treatment program and letting him know he believed he could overcome his addiction and become a better person. Today Bobby is in recovery and Bob is his constant supporter.

“Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).

My parents took the lead with my grandchildren and I’m following their example. They invested in my children and I’m investing in my children’s children. Recently at a family celebration my 10-year-old granddaughter sat next to me on the sofa and snuggled up, stroking my arm and laying her head on my shoulder. She knows I care about her and I am interested in her life. She’s quick to share her victories at school and in sports and wants to be sure my husband and I will be there when she performs or receives an award. She wrote us a note at Easter that said, “Thank you for being such a good example in my life.” What more could a grandparent want?

“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3).

Thirteen-year-old Maggie flew alone to Houston from Chicago to visit her grandparents. Following the two-week vacation she returned home. But when her mother wasn’t at the airport to meet her and didn’t respond to Maggie’s phone call, the girl panicked and called her grandmother. Her grandma reassured her that her mom was probably stuck in traffic and would be along momentarily. Sure enough, that was the case. Maggie later learned her mother didn’t return her call because she had left her cell phone at home in the charger.

Many grandchildren need their grandparents for more than a reassuring phone call. Some depend on them for security during a divorce, a long-term illness, or in extreme cases, because of parental neglect. How good it is to know that a grandmother or grandfather is standing by.

“The LORD is the stronghold of my life” (Psalm 27:1).

When our children grow up, it’s difficult to let go of the parenting process. It may be even more difficult to refrain from parenting our grandchildren, especially if we don’t approve of our children’s parenting style. But wise grandparents realize each person has a right to his or her life and choices. They are there to advise or assist when asked, but they don’t push.

“Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble” (1 John 2:10).

Most grandparents can quickly forgive a child for a spill, a broken vase, or a smudge of dirt from muddy sneakers. But what about the deep wounds that result from broken commitments, hurtful words, or neglect and indifference on the part of older grandchildren or their parents? We may be tempted to nurse our grudges or blame others. But this only separates us from those we love. At times like these, we can look to Jesus who carried the burden of all our sin and pain to the cross. As he forgave those who put him to death, we can forgive those who have hurt us.

“Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

Grandparents who forgive readily usually laugh easily as well. Perhaps most important, they can laugh at themselves. They’re not afraid to admit their weaknesses and poke fun at themselves. They enjoy the small things—a cute joke, a silly game, a bit of teasing. They see the light instead of the darkness.

“You have filled my heart with greater joy” (Psalm 4:7).

While hiking a challenging trail with some friends, a woman stopped in exasperation and exclaimed, “I’ve had it. We keep going up and down. We gain 500 feet and then lose it. This is crazy.” One of the other hikers turned and said calmly, “But overall, we’re going up. And the higher you go, the more of the big picture you see.” Grandparents have the maturity and experience to see the wisdom in this. During times of crisis and uncertainty they can comfort their children and grandchildren with this perspective and examples from their own lives.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

It’s okay to set limits and acknowledge our limitations. However, it can be a challenge. If we say “no” or “not now,” we may fear we’ll slip a notch or two on the popularity scale. However, by modeling our humanity we’ll be giving our grandchildren permission to do the same. My grandkids, for example, know that I don’t like confusion, messes, and slamming doors. They also know I don’t play jump rope and I don’t climb trees. But we do bake and cook and color and take walks and play tag. You probably have limits of your own. Some may be physical because of age or a health-related condition. Or your personality may impose certain boundaries. That’s okay. It’s important for us to know ourselves in this way so we can be fully present to our grandchildren in ways that are honest and true.

“Do not deceive one another” (Leviticus 19:11).

“I never thought I’d play in the dirt,” said Rose. “Yet there I was zooming a little car up and down dirt mounds and inhaling dust with my five-year-old grandson. Of course he thought it was wonderful.”

Other grandparents admit that a whole new world has opened up to them when they are willing to try something new such as picking blueberries and baking them in a pie, camping in the desert, roller skating or skateboarding (with helmet and knee pads, of course), finger painting, having a picnic in a tree house, or traveling across the world to see a newborn grandson.

“The Lord will open . . . the storehouse of his bounty” (Deuteronomy 28:12).

Perhaps the best way to become a great grandparent is to heed the words of the author of Deuteronomy. “Only be careful and watch yourselves closely, so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen . . . . Teach them to your children and to their children after them” (4:9). |L