The word “esteem” originates from a Latin word meaning “estimate.” Self-esteem is simply the value you place on yourself, which results directly from the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you have about your total self, including your physical looks, abilities, achievements, intelligence, personality, relationships, and character.

Is having healthy self-esteem bad? Some Christians would say the answer is yes. They remind us that Christians must die to self because our sufficiency is in Christ alone.

Although we cannot come before God and claim to be adequate, healthy self-esteem does not mean we feel good about our sin or elevate ourselves to a position of pride before God that comes from spiritual self-sufficiency. Rather it means we see ourselves as God sees us—a unique creation, created in his image, loved enough by him to send his Son to redeem us from our sin so we can fellowship with him forever. We do not have to feel bad about ourselves to be in relationship with God.

Insecurity and inadequacy are rooted in low self-esteem. Proverbs 23:7 (King James Version) says that a man is as he thinks he is. If you think you’re unimportant, inadequate, or incompetent, your choices will often reflect your feelings.

Poor self-esteem is one of the root causes of early teen sexual activity in girls. Left unchecked, poor self-esteem results in acceptance of mistreatment throughout life. Until a woman sees herself worthy of being treated well, she will not set boundaries that require it. People who see themselves as incompetent in their skills will not have the same level of success as those who see themselves capable of more, and as a result, take risks and push themselves to higher achievements. Without healthy self-esteem, we are limited in our ability to use our God-given talents and make wise choices.

The following six keys can help you develop and maintain healthy self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem comes from having an accurate image of yourself. It does not require you to be a lover of self with an inflated ego. It will be based on an accurate assessment of who you are in all areas. You will assess your strengths and weaknesses and identify and acknowledge sin, yet continue to pursue excellence. Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (New International Version).

Each of us has value in the eyes of God regardless of our differences and relative worth based on the world’s values. Yet we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others and judge ourselves as “less than” or “better than.” Both are incorrect comparisons. According to Galatians 6:4, it is only when we compare ourselves to ourselves and test our own actions that we can feel good about what we find. God will judge each of us by the talents he gave us. He won’t compare what we did with someone else. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others.

The world’s standard of beauty is narrowly defined. Only a few are truly “beautiful.” Yet God created each of us uniquely and delights in us. I know God appreciates diversity in his creation when I think about all the creatures in the depths of the sea only God can see and enjoy. No matter what the world says, you are beautiful in God’s eyes.

Another common cause of low self-esteem is the inability to let go of past sins and regrets. Many people dwell on the past and as a result are unable to live well in the present. Even after they are saved and forgiven by God, they continue to hold a stained image of themselves that includes their past sins. When God forgives us, he sees us as cleansed and different, no longer defined by our past. When we accept God’s forgiveness, we often forget to change our internal image of ourselves. Let go of your stained images today!

The negative and inaccurate messages we receive from others are another cause of low self-esteem. These distorted messages from our parents, peers, and others cause damage because we accept and retain images about ourselves that are not true and judge ourselves to be less valuable as a result. These distorted images hold us back from being who God created us to be because we do not have an accurate measure of our true abilities and character.

Susan Boyle wowed the world when she stepped on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent in April 2009, defying the expectations of the crowd and judges who focused on her physical appearance and were shocked to hear her stunningly beautiful voice. She didn’t let their inaccurate assessments and reactions stop her from doing what she knew she could do. As a result, she became an instant inspiration to millions around the world, especially to those who had also been misjudged, misunderstood, ridiculed, and rejected.

It is important that we be open to hearing truth from others that may challenge us to see things about ourselves we would rather not see. However, it is equally important that we be able to assess the messenger and the message and reject things that are not true.

All of us have things about ourselves we do not like and some things we absolutely hate. These often include physical attributes. We spend a disproportionate amount of emotion, money, and effort trying to change things about ourselves we cannot change. What if you accepted these things? What would you do with the extra time, money, and emotional energy?

I recently met an amazing woman. One side of her face drooped, the result of nerve damage from a tumor. When she spoke, her mouth twisted sharply downward on the right side. I asked her if it was difficult to accept her disfigurement, especially after her husband left her. She said, “When I am weak, I ask God to help me get over myself and move on. I cannot waste time feeling bad about something I can’t change.” I was in awe of her wisdom and courage.

Listen to your thoughts. You may be surprised how many thoughts are negative and self-defeating. Some of the voices repeat the criticisms of others, especially our parents and other authority figures. Negative self-talk is self-defeating because it is shaming. It beats you up, puts you down, and tells you you’re not good enough. It doesn’t make you want to do better; it convinces you that you cannot.

Analyze your thoughts. Recognize that your thoughts influence your feelings about yourself. In turn, your feelings affect the choices you make. Your thoughts can build you up or tear you down. Make sure your thoughts include affirmations of God’s truth about you, and reject voices that are not speaking truth that builds you up.

If your expectations for yourself are realistic, they work in your favor by propelling you toward workable goals. But when they’re unrealistic, you’ll find yourself frustrated and feeling bad about yourself. Perfectionists suffer from low self-esteem because they are unable to meet their own impossible standards. None of us will ever be perfect. We need to do the best we can and be satisfied. This doesn’t mean we don’t strive to do better, just that we do not set ourselves up to fail or never allow ourselves to win.

Is healthy self-esteem bad? No! Healthy self-esteem is good. It means we see ourselves as God sees each of us—as his unique beautiful creation with a divine purpose, as valuable as anyone else. When we have healthy self-esteem, we will see ourselves accurately, accept ourselves completely, use our God-given abilities, and live our lives confidently. |L