Solomon declared, “children’s children are a crown to the aged” (Proverbs 17:6) and the “grand” children God has given me are truly a crown in my older years. But with this crown of age, I find the responsibilities that love always brings. Perhaps because I do not remember either of my grandmothers very well, the role of Grandma is very important to me.

The Responsibility of Love

A grandmother’s love can be expressed in such fun ways. Often fun is just a matter of free time. Unhurried time that parents don’t have can be a gift to a child. Resting on the shelf above my computer is a tiny stick man shaped from a broken paperclip. He has been among my mementos for more than 10 years. My oldest grandson created this little paperclip fellow as he talked to me about his friends and drugs. No names were mentioned and it was a very general conversation, but throughout the conversation he was bending that paperclip and making that man. I listened. He rambled. The conversation ended when he firmly declared, “Well, I’ll never do that,” took a cookie, and wandered home. That little paperclip sculpture has become a symbol reminding me always to take time to listen to my grandchildren. Opportunities for listening surround us daily.

In our mobile and technical society, grandparents are listening to their grandchildren with more than just the ear. When I am at our Florida home during the winter, my grandchildren and I “talk” using an Internet instant message program. The Internet becomes my listening ear. Our nine year old sends school pictures; our college student sends e-mails; our oldest sends a picture of the deer he got while hunting. Every Sunday evening my niece sends my elderly mother an e-mail about her children and all the activities of the week. Cell phones also have become part of everyday life in our family. Our grandchildren call us to talk as though we were in the next room. We share regularly in their daily lives. Communication between grandparent and grandchild at any age and by any method is important. Society and methods are ever changing, but the need for listening remains. I seize every opportunity to listen.

My kitchen has always been a fun place for our grandchildren and thus a place for listening. Mashing sugar cookie dough to flatten for baking is the best of times for relaxed conversation about the big issues of life—drugs, sex, friends, God. Anytime my granddaughter joins me for my daily walk we seem to get into what I refer to as God conversations. Meandering down a country road, scuffing our feet in the gravel and chatting about the problems of the day, her friends and her school, is a gift more valuable than money stuffed into a birthday card.

Money can become an issue with grandparents, but never does it take the place of personal attention. Money, given wisely after consultation with parents and some thought as to appropriate needs of the age of the child, is almost always welcome. Our youngest grandson (now 19) always appreciated a money gift, but I realized quite soon that five one dollar bills made him much happier than one five dollar bill. In the gift wrapping section of a department store I found a tiny gift bag imprinted with “A Gift for Eric.” For several years I stuffed the little sack with money. At first it was a few coins, but as time has passed the amount has increased. Now the gift has become a check, but not always at the expected time. Unexpected surprises are much more fun than an expected birthday or Christmas check. Small children like nickels, dimes, and quarters that can be counted better than one paper 50-dollar bill. (This attitude does not last long, however.)

Traditions produce security and become some of a child’s most treasured memories. An aunt to my grandchildren always sends them a present to commemorate the day they were baptized. Our oldest grandson is now 22 and is still receiving a “new birth” present every year—usually a pumpkin pie. Traditions need not be expensive, just consistent. A simple thing such as the same gift bag, the same special food, the same parting words of “Love you” make for security in a child’s life, and today more than ever our grandchildren need that stability and security. Fun and finances are a part of grandparenting and most of us hope to leave a monetary inheritance for our heirs. But the spiritual inheritance we leave is much more important.

The Responsibility of Eternity

This responsibility of eternity is far more important than a sugar cookie or a 50-dollar bill. Grandchildren learn rather quickly what is important to the adults around them. If Grandma spends time on the golf course (and I do) then she must be committed to playing golf. If she serves in VBS or at the nursing home on her golf day, then she must be more committed to the Lord. If Grandpa reads his Bible every night just like he does his newspaper, then the Bible must be interesting and something Grandpa thinks is important. If Grandpa never misses a worship service (even when his crops are ready), then worship services must be important. Priorities in life indicate to a child what is foremost in our hearts.

The Responsibility of Commitment

Our grandchildren should see the fruit of the Spirit in our lifestyle. The commitment to God’s people and to his kingdom here on earth must be a joyful commitment of love, patience, goodness, and self-control. We cannot teach our grandchildren joy in these things if they do not see them in our lives.

For many years we took an older lady in our church to evening services every Sunday. As we prepared for vacation one summer, I informed our teenage grandchildren that we would be gone for two Sundays. When we returned, Inez told us that our grandchildren had stopped for her as they went to youth group. She was thrilled, I was overjoyed, and our grandchildren had begun to learn the joy of serving.

Sometimes, because even grandparents are human, our grandchildren witness our love for them in unexpected ways. “You’re not really my grandma!” the five-year-old boy screamed at me, and without thinking of the consequences,  the psychological impact, or how his parents might react, I grabbed him by his skinny little shoulders and responded, “Yes, I am your grandma and don’t you ever forget it.” It may have been at that moment that my adopted grandson and I truly bonded. Not a sweet picture of grandmotherly self-control, but an honest reaction to my love for him. My sincere joy over being his grandmother continues not only for him, but for all my grandchildren.

My Responsibility to God’s Children

Whether they are adopted grandchildren or biological grandchildren, they are God’s children—thus our grandchildren—and our responsibility is the same for each of them. As adopted children of God became heirs to salvation, these adopted grandchildren will share equally in the inheritance of our family. All four grandchildren were gifts from God—two came through our blood and two came through adoption. Two came home from the hospital when they were two days old. One came to our family from a foster home at five months and one from Romania at two years old. Where they came from and how old they were when they came home has nothing to do with our being their grandparents. God gave them to our children. Our children love them and we love them.

With love comes responsibility, and grandparents need to feel the weight of this “crown” of responsibility. |L

Clella Camp is a freelance writer in Paris, Illinois.