Having grown up in a non-military family (my father and uncles served as farmers during World War II providing food for the nation), I knew little about military life when I married a man who was a member of the Air Guard Reserves. John had already served in the Air Force. In 2006, after contributing 21 years to one weekend per month training sessions and annual two-week summer stints, he finally retired from the Air National Guard. His enthusiasm for serving his country spilled over to our son. Christopher is an Air Force officer in pilot training, having graduated from the U.S. Air Force Academy in 2007.

As the wife and mother of service men, I’ve learned much about the commitment expected by the armed forces. The decision to enlist in the U.S. military affects not only the service man or woman, but the lives of family members as well.

John often left me with three children during snow storms to fly for his two-week training sessions to sunny Tucson or Tampa. On two separate occasions on the days he left, the garage door to our house froze shut and the wooden post on the mailbox broke in half.

Even harder to handle was when we left our son in 2003 at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, 1,000 miles from home. It was the beginning of years of infrequent communication due to his fast-paced schedule. Our visits with him since then have been limited to two, sometimes three per year.

Even so, these are small sacrifices compared to those made by other military families.

Heather (26 years old) and Joe (28 years old) McFarren both serve in the U.S. Army. She is a medic with the 38th Sustainment Brigade, a unit based in Kokomo, Indiana. Heather commits one weekend each month and two weeks of summer camp annually to military service. Joe works full time in the 293rd Infantry Unit based in Huntington, Indiana.

Heather joined the military in 2002 when she was 19 years old. She was inspired to join because her brother, responding to the terrorist incidents in New York City on September 11, 2001, had enlisted in the Army.

Joe and Heather met as students at Ball State University shortly after Heather’s enlistment. Joe was a member of the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC). His father and brother had also served in the Army. Joe and Heather married in June 2004 knowing Joe would leave their home in Bluffton, Indiana in less than a month for a year-long deployment in Afghanistan.

That first year of separation was difficult for Heather. She and Joe called each other several times during the week. Being in the military herself, she understood the demands on his time and kept the calls brief. “I always knew if something happened, I could call him,” says Heather. “I also knew from my two weeks in summer camp that his whole day was planned and it was hard for him to find the time to call.”

Feeling lonely, she tried to stay busy by working in a hospital and beginning a degree for paramedic science. “Talking on the phone, eating with family, and hanging out with friends helped to fill my time,” she recalls.

After returning home in 2005, Joe transferred to a medical company in the Active Guard Reserves (AGR). Their daughter Sydney was one year old when Joe left for Iraq in December 2007.

The second period of forced separation was again difficult for Heather—but for other reasons. Besides working and taking night classes, she now had Sydney to take care of. “I didn’t want to be as busy as I was during Joe’s first deployment,” she recalls. Her in-laws, Gary and Rhonda McFarren, lived nearby and often helped babysit.

Heather was also helped during both of Joe’s deployments by attending church with her in-laws. The McFarrens had attended the Bluffton First Church of Christ since Joe was a child. Gary was an elder in the congregation and Rhonda served on the missions committee.

Heather attended church while growing up, but noticed a difference in her in-laws’ church. “Many people there tapped my shoulder and asked me about Joe,” she says. “The preacher, Larry Sprinkle, explained the Bible well during his sermons.” The biggest surprise for Heather occurred during the prayer requests. “As I listened, it hit me that I was not the only one going through a hard time. Sick and dying people were all around me. Our family was healthy. It made me see the world would not end because Joe was gone for a year.” Eleven months later, Joe safely returned home.

Kay and Tom Hiester watched their son Michael leave his wife, son, and daughter in the summer of 2004—never to return.

Michael was one of four Indiana National Guardsmen killed when their military vehicle struck a land mine near Kabul in central Afghanistan on March 26, 2005. At that time Michael was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 76th Infantry Brigade in Indianapolis.

According to Kay, Michael had wanted to serve his country even as a child. “His father had been in the National Guard and it seemed to be Michael’s calling,” she says.

Between his junior and senior years of high school, Michael completed basic training for the Army. After graduating from high school in 1990, Michael progressed through the ranks to Master Sargeant. He also worked as a fire department volunteer in his hometown of Bluffton. He and his wife Dawn had two children—Emily Dawn and Adam.

When he left for Operation Enduring Freedom—the mission name for the Afghanistan campaign—in the summer of 2004, Michael, 32, had already served a tour of duty in Bosnia.

Kay says Michael served in the US military because he felt it needed to be done. “He believed if we didn’t fight the enemy over there, we’d fight them here in the U.S.,” she added.

Although Kay and Tom still grieve at the loss of their son, they are proud of Michael’s service. “We don’t want his actions to be forgotten. Would we like to have them changed? Sure, but they can’t be changed. He went because he believed in what he was doing there.”

Kay feels strongly about the role of parents whose children choose to join the military. “If my child or grandson wants to serve overseas, I’ll support him fully. Do I want him to go? No, but each person has to make his or her own choice.”

The Hiesters were encouraged a few months ago when a soldier who served with Michael visited them. Kay recalls, “He said the people in Afghanistan want us there. The news media frequently show bad stuff, but our soldiers are helping families and doing good things.”

Kay says the support of her church, the Bluffton First Church of Christ, was vital in her family’s healing. “If it wasn’t for the support and faith of those from church, we wouldn’t have made it.”

Friends from church who talked with the Hiesters about Michael and his death aided most in her family’s healing, though some seemed hesitant to bring it into conversation. “It was the ‘elephant in the room,’” she adds. “It was too painful a subject to talk about, so they avoided it and pretended it hadn’t happened,” says Kay.

Instead, Kay advises friends of the bereaved to bring up the subject of death in a caring way. “When a subject is ignored, it becomes harder to deal with. Just knowing someone cared enough to talk about it helped us.”

The Hiesters and their two grown daughters and their families rely on their faith in God to get them through tough days. “Suicide bombers have faith but they don’t know what real faith is,” says Kay Hiester. “They have no respect for life. Life means something here in the U.S. We’re free to live because of the people who serve in our military. They should not be forgotten.” |L