Grief touches everyone. It caught me off guard when I experienced the death of a vision, not a person.

I was chairperson of a state board of education that dared allow criticism of evolution. Unexpectedly, my face appeared on TV news programs all over the world for more than a year. The issue of how to teach origins to children in Kansas public schools caused a tsunami of criticism. Radical evolutionists, national science organizations, and editorialists across our country ranted week after week. Reporters from national news outlets and other countries clamored to interview me.

One year after our historic vote my re-election campaign ended in crushing defeat. Shock numbed my brain and body. Camera flashes momentarily blinded me when I entered the hotel lobby. I could hardly speak to the swarm of reporters. Grief over the stunning loss clung to me like a wet blanket for two years.

The morning after I lost the election, Laura, a dear Christian friend, rang my doorbell. My husband opened the door and she said, “Could I see Linda for a minute? I brought her these roses.”

The sound of the familiar voice drew me to our entryway. Laura said, “I’m so sorry,” as she handed me the small bouquet. Then she enveloped me in her arms. I collapsed on her shoulder and sobbed. After a few minutes she left. Her gesture of love touched my heart, and I began the long road to recovery.

People in our churches may suffer in silence from grief, enduring one agonizing day after another. How can a church family minister to them through the painful process?

We know the death of a loved one causes grief, and it lasts far beyond the funeral. People expect a widow to grieve. However, they may overlook grief attached to other life losses, such as a divorce, an abortion, loss of a job, a repossessed home, or onset of a physical disability. Even the death of a pet can plunge some into deep sadness. The grieving person may not reach out, but we can initiate ministry.

Paul tells us in Galatians 6:10, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Church groups and individuals can make a difference in a grief-stricken person’s life through spiritual and practical means.

Pray for the suffering one. Grief paralyzes, and the person may be unable to pray or read the Bible for weeks or months. “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). Your prayers and the Holy Spirit can produce more than you may imagine or will ever find out.

Ten years after my experience on the state board of education I still meet people who prayed for me. Occasionally someone on a plane or in a store will say, “Don’t I know you? You look familiar.” I suggest that they might have seen me on TV a few years ago. After I describe the circumstances, I may receive this heart-warming response: “I prayed for you.” I even met a couple from Korea who prayed for me during that difficult year.

We need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s direction. He may lead us (or others) to offer practical help for those who are grieving.

Lynn attended a church alone for six years. Her alcoholic husband refused to go with her. When the marriage ended in divorce, it left Lynn with hard financial choices. She had difficulty making her rent payments. Her car’s heater broke. The next afternoon she found an envelope from her church in the mail. She opened it and her eyes widened. She stared at the check for $500 in her hand. A repaired heater would provide welcome warmth the rest of the winter. The giver remained anonymous.

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:10). We must push past our own feeling of awkwardness and talk to those who grieve. If we allow fear to stall us, we will miss the opportunity to serve.

When Tom’s beloved wife of 52 years died, a couple from his church invited him to eat dinner with them every Tuesday night. Jo Anne cooked delicious meals and always prepared enough to send at least one meal home with him. Rusty and Jo Anne were not close friends, but they followed God’s leading to minister to a sad, elderly man. They provided food, conversation, and companionship for a year.

If we have walked through the valley of grief and entered into peace, we can look for people who are experiencing the same kind of loss. God comforted us “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Abortion seemed the logical solution to Kathy’s problem in high school. In fact, she used the same solution her freshman year at college. Years later she suffered from the denied grief over her babies. Now she heads a ministry at her church for post-abortive women. She listens, councils, encourages, and holds them. She gently leads them to our heavenly Father who forgives and heals.

Acknowledge the loss and the grief. We should allow a griever to talk about the loss and resist trying to make it better. God enables us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

Bonnie invited Carol to tea soon after the bank notification. Carol and her husband would have to be out of their house by the end of the month. When Carol arrived, Bonnie asked, “Are you okay?”

Carol melted into tears. Bonnie listened to her descriptions of embarrassment, sadness, fear, and anger. She nodded at times, but she remained quiet. Finally Carol, exhausted from emotions, dried her eyes and smiled. “Praise God!” she exclaimed. “We stayed in the house 18 months without making a payment. My salary alone wouldn’t have provided money for rent and the car payments. Jim started a new job last month.”

If those we attempt to help reject our offers of dinner, a ride to church, or other kindnesses, we do not need to take offense. And we do not need to give up. Keep in touch months after the loss. Offer a lifeline to keep the grieving soul from slipping into despair.

John offered to buy Chris Sunday dinner after Chris lost his job of 12 years. Chris refused the first time and the second time. “I guess I felt embarrassed,” he said. “I didn’t want to talk about it. I’d go home and watch westerns the rest of the day. Finally, I agreed to go. When John told me he’d lost a job a few years ago, I felt I could talk about my problem.”

It is easy to offer pat answers when ministering to a grieving person. Sentiments such as “He’s in a better place” or “God needed another flower in his garden, so he took your child” may sound lovely to us. However, they can anger the one who experienced the loss and prolong the grief process.

A retired minister sorrowed for months after his beloved wife of 61 years passed away. He said, “People asked me, ‘Aren’t you glad she’s with Jesus?’ No, I wasn’t glad. I wanted her here with me.”

It is difficult to watch people in deep sadness. However, we can’t hurry people through the process. “Just get on with your life” is neither compassionate nor helpful.

God will custom-fit assistance for those who need love, so let’s seek to minister to the ones in our churches who may be suffering grief in silence. With the Lord’s help we can demonstrate love and offer hope to those who struggle. |L