They sat across from me on my couch—together, but separate—a wall as tangible as brick between them. No touching. Little eye contact. Lots of anger. As couples often do, they had vented for most of our first hour together. He did this. She did that. Each was eager to confess sin—the other’s sin. Both were working themselves up to talk about the “D” word. They wanted out.

Yet they were Christians. Both had been raised in Christian families. Their marriage was consecrated in a church “before God and these many witnesses.” He was a deacon. She taught Bible classes. I wept inside. Another example of how broken we all are. Another example of a Christian couple who knew much about “church” and little about “gospel.”

Sound familiar? You have a couple just like this in your congregation. Their marriage is about to come unraveled. The news of it will be discouraging, perhaps even devastating, for your church. Is there anything to be done?

Marriage is under attack. There is little in the world around us—our culture, the media, popular attitudes—that values and supports marriage. These days, divorce is considered a trivial issue, a minor problem. So marriages fall apart and divorce rates are correspondingly high.

Christians should be the prime defenders of marriage. Marriage is God’s idea. In some religious circles, marriage is considered a “sacrament”—a means of grace, a participation in the very life of God. For many of us, marriage has been the primary crucible in which our discipleship was forged and our character formed. We believe in “I do” and “stand by and stay with” and “till death do us part.”

At least, we believe in the concept. But when it comes to the reality of marriage—all the messiness and challenge and struggle that happens when you put two sin-broken people together—we are about as quick to shed our ideals and our commitments as anyone else. Culture trumps faith. The permissiveness of our world becomes permission for the dissolution of Christian marriages. Christians like to imagine that we are above cultural influences. We’re not. And nothing demonstrates our contamination by culture quite like our frailty in the area of marriage and divorce.

Do I want to go back to the bad-old-days when divorce was considered the unforgivable sin and the church responded to failure in marriage with judgment and scolding rather than with compassion and grace? No. But does the path of compassion and grace mean we simply give up on God’s ideal for marriage and watch from the sidelines as Christian marriages come apart? No.

The church must do more than wring its hands and bemoan the sad state of marriage in the world. Christians have a responsibility to go beyond wedding showers and petitions against gay marriages.

Our churches have a responsibility to encourage strong marriages—not just by conducting weddings where the right words are said, but by constant teaching, modeling, mentoring, counsel, and prayer. Does your church have a “marriage strategy”—a purposeful plan for strengthening the marriages of the people you worship with? Does your church:

• have a clear theology of marriage and divorce that it preaches, teaches, and lives by?

• regularly celebrate marriages that have survived life’s storms and reached significant milestones?

• insist on Christian premarital counseling for couples who are married in your building or by your minister?

• offer regular “marriage enrichment” experiences and expect members to attend?

• have leaders who take a passionate interest in the condition of marriages in the congregation and pray about those marriages often?

• provide marriage mentoring for younger couples?

• offer to help struggling marriages find godly, competent, and affordable counseling?

• know the specific issues that predictably stress all marriages (such as finances, child-rearing, and time-management) and offer help in addressing those issues?

The state of our marriages is the “beam” in the church’s eye. Until we allow God to transform our homes, it is ungracious of us to shake our finger at the world’s folly. First, we demonstrate that the gospel makes a difference where we live. Then we get to share the gospel with our culture.

Allow me to issue a “call for action.” Would you think and pray and talk about how to make a difference in the marriages of the church you attend? Would you consider what your church could do to encourage and preserve Christian marriages? To see one church’s commitment to marriage, go to www.ottercreek.org/pdf/MarriageBrochure.pdf. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 8, 2009 - Why I believe in God
October 25, 2009 - Commuting in days of evil
October 11, 2009 - Poets and don’t know it
September 27, 2009 - How Hollywood proves abortion is wrong
September 13, 2009 - Significance
August 30, 2009 - Dance alternatives
August 16, 2009 - Gluttons for gossip
August 2, 2009 - Truth from Twilight
July 19, 2009 - Visitor-friendly churches
July 5, 2009 - The Shack
June 21, 2009 - When forgiveness fails
June 7, 2009 - Re-imagining Education (Part Six)
May 24, 2009 - We are not alone
May 3, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part five)
April 26, 2009 - Conviction
April 12, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part four)
March 29, 2009 - An evangelistic proposal
March 15, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part three)
March 1, 2009 - He makes me sick
February 15, 2009 - Re-imagining education (Part Two)
February 1, 2009 - Spiritual insecurity
January 18, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part one)
January 4, 2009 - Church and politics
December 21, 2008 - Heaven’s music
November 23, 2008 - God and the president
November 9, 2008 - A time for courage
October 26, 2008 - Likes and dislikes: the Prince Caspian movie
October 12, 2008 - What’s that noise?
September 28, 2008 - Modesty matters (part two)
September 14, 2008 - All it takes is some TLC
August 31, 2008 - Modesty matters (part one)
August 17, 2008 - What would you fight for?
August 3, 2008 - Staying through the credits
July 20, 2008 - Honor to whom honor
July 6, 2008 - Tyler Perry and the movies you’re missing
June 22, 2008 - The peaceable kingdom
May 25, 2008 - Another generation grew up
May 25, 2008 - Technology and the Bible (part two)
May 11, 2008 - Technology and the Bible (part one)
April 27, 2008 - What is truth?
April 13, 2008 - And the geek shall inherit the earth
March 30, 2008 - A charactered God
March 16, 2008 - The college choice (part two)
March 2, 2008 - Good news can be hard to hear
February 17, 2008 - The college choice (part one)
February 5, 2008 - Ten suggestions for a godly standard of living
January 20, 2008 - Expelled: that “Bueller” guy’s pro-God movie
January 6, 2008 - Choosing a lifestyle
December 23, 2007 - Teachable TV?
December 9, 2007 - Owners or stewards?
November 25, 2007 - Christians teaching Christians to change TV and film
November 11, 2007 - My money is God’s business
October 28, 2007 - Navigating under the radar
October 14, 2007 - The things God values
September 30, 2007 - Movie moments
September 16, 2007 - God’s economics
September 2, 2007 - The best books to read
August 19, 2007 - There’s a rat in ‘separate’
August 5, 2007 - The art of reading
July 22, 2007 - Atheist chic
July 8, 2007 - Why books matter: the sequel
June 10, 2007 - Books: why they matter
June 3, 2007 - The non-impact of “The Lost Tomb of Jesus”
May 27, 2007 - The universal gospel
May 13, 2007 - Loving Muslims through culture
April 29, 2007 - Hope
April 15, 2007 - God in the dark
April 1, 2007 - The gospel goes to the movies
March 18, 2007 - What the Bible movies can teach us
March 4, 2007 - What will you hurt for?
February 18, 2007 - Why Heroes . . .
February 4, 2007 - Give peace a chance
January 21, 2007 - When fairy tales are true
January 7, 2007 - WYSIWYG lives
December 31, 2006 - What’s coming next?
December 17, 2006 - Mercy, mercy
December 3, 2006 - Proof of evolution!
November 19, 2006 - Hungering for God
November 5, 2006 - Violence and government, war and peace
October 22, 2006 - The mighty meek
October 8, 2006 - The Battlestar and the Bible
September 24, 2006 - Soap for the soul
September 10, 2006 - Right vs. cool
August 27, 2006 - The painful truth
August 13, 2006 - More Lies Hollywood Tells
July 30, 2006 - Christian counter culture
July 16, 2006 - The lies Hollywood tells