I had breakfast recently with a member of my church and someone he was excited for me to meet. My friend knew this person from work, had seen his fire for God, and described him as “deeply spiritual.” He thought the two of us would get along famously.

As soon as we sat down with our bagels, I sensed something was “off.” My first warning was vocabulary. My friend’s friend talked funny. The “will of God” this and “seeking the Lord” that. “I knew in my spirit” was a favored phrase. Scripture quotations and verbal tics like “Hallelujah” were tossed into the conversation at random intervals. His language was jarring . . . strange. I wanted to put my hand on his arm and say, “Just talk to me, like the two of us are normal people.” Jesus was able to speak about God using common language. Why can’t we?

But it wasn’t just his words that seemed odd. It was what the words described. Direct communication with God (“The Lord spoke to me and said”); bizarre interpretations of current events (“This happened because God was punishing the religious leaders of Nashville”); and claims of unusual powers (“I prayed and she was healed”).

Whenever I find myself in such conversations, I tend to have an out-of-body experience. You know—the kind where you are a fly on the wall looking down on yourself and watching the whole scene with a curious detachment. And what I saw that morning was my own insecurity. Why does this kind of language make me feel so defensive? Why do I find myself struggling with “Spirit-envy” at times like these?

I’ve walked with the Lord for decades now. I’ve seen his work in my life and experienced his transforming power. So why do conversations like this touch me at such a vulnerable place? I found myself wishing for some dramatic story to share. I found myself searching for some vision, a healing, an ecstatic experience to talk about. “You think that’s spiritual? Listen to this!”

As I struggled to get past the strangeness of it all (and to climb down off that wall!), it occurred to me that my new friend was speaking this way deliberately, and that his purpose in doing so was not to communicate with me but to distinguish himself from me. I am different from you, his words established. I see the world differently. My experience of God is different. This is my common and daily walk in the Spirit . . . too bad it’s not yours. He was using language like a barge pole, to push me away and keep me at a distance.

Blame it on the bagel, or on the fact that—even at 7:00 in the morning—I can play the skeptic. But, somehow, I managed to shrug off my insecurities enough to listen carefully. I didn’t question his sincerity. I didn’t even question his facts. Many godly people have an experience of God that differs from mine. Many very spiritual people talk about the Spirit in a way that is not “normal” for me.

Two things bothered me as I listened. The first was that this “deeply spiritual” man spent the entire breakfast talking without pause or relent about himself. His ministry. His following. His actions and words. His insights. His revelations. He barely paused for breath. He had no patience for dialogue. Not one question for me. Not a single inquiry into how “my spirit” was holding up or what God was doing in my life. Not an ounce of curiosity about the church I was leading or my own experience of ministry. He was too caught up in himself and what God was doing through him to bother with me. It left me feeling sad.

The second bothersome thing was how quickly I was tempted to throw away my discernment with the remains of my breakfast. In a world that doesn’t believe in the Spirit, I found myself wanting to accept any experience of the Spirit—even one that didn’t “smell” right. It dawned on me that my struggle was less with my new friend than with myself. I have an experience of the Spirit that I don’t know how to talk about. I haven’t developed a vocabulary that allows me to speak of the Spirit’s conviction, comfort, or transforming power in my life.

And, because I lack that vocabulary, I lack the confidence to testify to the Spirit’s presence and power. Too often I am “Spirit-mute.” The church I grew up in places little value on such speech. Sadly, the church I grew up in places little value on the Spirit at all.

That is not a silence I can tolerate. The Spirit deserves more of me than that. |L

[This selection is an excerpt from Tim Woodroof’s new book: A Spirit for the Rest of Us, to be published this spring.]

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 8, 2009 - Why I believe in God
October 25, 2009 - Commuting in days of evil
October 11, 2009 - Poets and don’t know it
September 27, 2009 - How Hollywood proves abortion is wrong
September 13, 2009 - Significance
August 30, 2009 - Dance alternatives
August 16, 2009 - Gluttons for gossip
August 2, 2009 - Truth from Twilight
July 19, 2009 - Visitor-friendly churches
July 5, 2009 - The Shack
June 21, 2009 - When forgiveness fails
June 7, 2009 - Re-imagining Education (Part Six)
May 24, 2009 - We are not alone
May 3, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part five)
April 26, 2009 - Conviction
April 12, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part four)
March 29, 2009 - An evangelistic proposal
March 15, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part three)
March 1, 2009 - He makes me sick
February 15, 2009 - Re-imagining education (Part Two)
January 18, 2009 - Re-imagining education (part one)
January 4, 2009 - Church and politics
December 21, 2008 - Heaven’s music
December 7, 2008 - The church and marriage
November 23, 2008 - God and the president
November 9, 2008 - A time for courage
October 26, 2008 - Likes and dislikes: the Prince Caspian movie
October 12, 2008 - What’s that noise?
September 28, 2008 - Modesty matters (part two)
September 14, 2008 - All it takes is some TLC
August 31, 2008 - Modesty matters (part one)
August 17, 2008 - What would you fight for?
August 3, 2008 - Staying through the credits
July 20, 2008 - Honor to whom honor
July 6, 2008 - Tyler Perry and the movies you’re missing
June 22, 2008 - The peaceable kingdom
May 25, 2008 - Another generation grew up
May 25, 2008 - Technology and the Bible (part two)
May 11, 2008 - Technology and the Bible (part one)
April 27, 2008 - What is truth?
April 13, 2008 - And the geek shall inherit the earth
March 30, 2008 - A charactered God
March 16, 2008 - The college choice (part two)
March 2, 2008 - Good news can be hard to hear
February 17, 2008 - The college choice (part one)
February 5, 2008 - Ten suggestions for a godly standard of living
January 20, 2008 - Expelled: that “Bueller” guy’s pro-God movie
January 6, 2008 - Choosing a lifestyle
December 23, 2007 - Teachable TV?
December 9, 2007 - Owners or stewards?
November 25, 2007 - Christians teaching Christians to change TV and film
November 11, 2007 - My money is God’s business
October 28, 2007 - Navigating under the radar
October 14, 2007 - The things God values
September 30, 2007 - Movie moments
September 16, 2007 - God’s economics
September 2, 2007 - The best books to read
August 19, 2007 - There’s a rat in ‘separate’
August 5, 2007 - The art of reading
July 22, 2007 - Atheist chic
July 8, 2007 - Why books matter: the sequel
June 10, 2007 - Books: why they matter
June 3, 2007 - The non-impact of “The Lost Tomb of Jesus”
May 27, 2007 - The universal gospel
May 13, 2007 - Loving Muslims through culture
April 29, 2007 - Hope
April 15, 2007 - God in the dark
April 1, 2007 - The gospel goes to the movies
March 18, 2007 - What the Bible movies can teach us
March 4, 2007 - What will you hurt for?
February 18, 2007 - Why Heroes . . .
February 4, 2007 - Give peace a chance
January 21, 2007 - When fairy tales are true
January 7, 2007 - WYSIWYG lives
December 31, 2006 - What’s coming next?
December 17, 2006 - Mercy, mercy
December 3, 2006 - Proof of evolution!
November 19, 2006 - Hungering for God
November 5, 2006 - Violence and government, war and peace
October 22, 2006 - The mighty meek
October 8, 2006 - The Battlestar and the Bible
September 24, 2006 - Soap for the soul
September 10, 2006 - Right vs. cool
August 27, 2006 - The painful truth
August 13, 2006 - More Lies Hollywood Tells
July 30, 2006 - Christian counter culture
July 16, 2006 - The lies Hollywood tells