One important truth about parenting we often forget is that there are no perfect parents and no perfect kids. Kids are human beings, not puppets. They take what we give them and make their own choices. Even our perfect heavenly Father has rebellious children!

Throughout our 22 years of raising children, my husband DJ and I have discovered we have the same family goals in mind, yet we each have our own style, with the Bible being our most trusted source of guidance and encouragement. Basing our methods on love, bathing our four children in prayer, and believing our efforts will please our heavenly Father make it all worth while. Here are a few things we’ve learned:

Make sure they know you love them and teach them to love God and others.

Make the effort to get to know them personally. Learn about their personalities and their love languages. Each child is unique.

Make memories. Collect photos, videos, and journals. Laugh often. Celebrate unusual events like your child’s spiritual re-birthday with angel food cake and a special gift.

Make family time fun. A weekly time together is something to be protected. Spend as much time as possible with your kids.

Make sacrifices. Know when to make time for yourself and when to give it up for them.

Make rules with clear expectations and consequences. Rules without relationships lead to rebellion.

Make sure there is a balance of flexibility and consistency in your home.

Make your faith visible. Include family Bible reading, prayer time, serving others, attending worship, and other ways of living out your beliefs.

Make up. If you get into a conflict with anyone in front of your kids, make sure they see you resolve the conflict. Show them how to do this in a loving, healthy manner.

Make yourself practice humility. When you make parenting mistakes, offer sincere apologies.

Make mutual respect a common practice. Whenever possible, treat your child the way you would treat a cherished friend. Teach kids to treat each other that way, too.

Make yourself available so they can come to you with their concerns.

Make honesty your policy. If you expect your children to be honest with you, you must assure them they can expect the same from you.

Make yourself an example. Be the kind of parent you would have wanted and needed as a child. Be the person you want your children to believe you to be.

Make appreciation a daily occurrence. Everyone likes to be thanked—even kids!

Make them do without. Gift-giving should be saved for special occasions.

Make whining taboo—for kids and parents.

Make them happy at all costs. (I’m kidding here!) Our responsibility is not to make our kids happy with their lives or even happy with us. Instilling contentment, joy, and hope in their training will do a lot more to cultivate their character and their lifelong faith than making sure they have everything they want.

Parents must answer to our Father for what we have allowed our children to do while in our care. We do not answer for the children, though. They have their own accountability to the Father, which builds as they mature. When our children are finally launched into adulthood, they take on full responsibility for their faith, behavior, and character. Parents have such a short time to prepare them.

Make the most of that time. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 15, 2009 - Serving Christ in the inner city
November 8, 2009 - Old Testament anger management
November 1, 2009 - Why a physician believes in creation
October 25, 2009 - Portrait of a mission-minded church
October 18, 2009 - A psalm of rest and comfort
October 11, 2009 - Silent sufferers
October 4, 2009 - We’re inadequate; he’s adequate
September 27, 2009 - Grief and the presence of God
September 20, 2009 - Where’s the happy ending?
September 13, 2009 - Our role as Christian grandparents
September 6, 2009 - Two-talent service
August 30, 2009 - Living the good life
August 23, 2009 - Mobilizing the membership
August 16, 2009 - A God worth experiencing
August 9, 2009 - A life-changing partnership
August 2, 2009 - Special parents
July 26, 2009 - He understands
July 19, 2009 - The rewards of uncompromising obedience
July 12, 2009 - Serving the hurting
July 5, 2009 - You don’t have to take it
June 28, 2009 - Meeting the Major Prophets
June 21, 2009 - Wise dads
June 14, 2009 - Taking Christ to a resistant culture
June 7, 2009 - The husband I want to be
May 31, 2009 - A church for every generation
May 24, 2009 - Cost and sacrifice
May 17, 2009 - Sin, holiness, and service
May 10, 2009 - A mother’s faith, hope, and love
May 3, 2009 - The perfect church
April 26, 2009 - From generation to generation
April 19, 2009 - Catherine
April 12, 2009 - Change
April 5, 2009 - The name of the Lord
March 29, 2009 - Small groups are where you find them
March 22, 2009 - Practicing hospitality
March 15, 2009 - Energizing smaller churches
March 8, 2009 - The ascent to financial freedom
March 1, 2009 - Will you fast and pray for the harvest?
February 22, 2009 - The simple plan of discipleship
February 15, 2009 - Our unique fellowship
February 8, 2009 - Staying the course
February 1, 2009 - Biblical principles for parenting preeteens
January 25, 2009 - Drawing people to Christ
January 18, 2009 - Keeping the dream alive
January 11, 2009 - Faith at work
January 4, 2009 - No hurry
December 28, 2008 - The fear that conquers fear
December 21, 2008 - God with us
December 14, 2008 - A heart for service
November 30, 2008 - Obedience matters
November 23, 2008 - A Thanksgiving psalm
November 16, 2008 - Don’t shoot!
November 9, 2008 - Hope in the darkness
November 2, 2008 - Tell us what you think!
October 26, 2008 - Thankfully, I lost
October 19, 2008 - Speaking up
October 12, 2008 - Modeling Christ’s compassion
October 5, 2008 - Plateau? No!
September 28, 2008 - Not quite finished
September 21, 2008 - A wedding prayer
September 14, 2008 - A timely resource to help you encourage your minister
September 7, 2008 - Free to serve
August 31, 2008 - A job well done
August 24, 2008 - Model behavior
August 17, 2008 - Teen disciples I know
August 10, 2008 - Joy, laughter, and the Great Commission
August 3, 2008 - Being there
July 27, 2008 - I wonder what they thought
July 20, 2008 - A timely reminder
July 13, 2008 - Why the prophets?
July 6, 2008 - Staying in the parenting game
June 29, 2008 - Avenues of service
June 22, 2008 - The greatest sermon I ever saw
June 15, 2008 - How dads communicate
June 15, 2008 - A little child will lead them
June 8, 2008 - When it’s time to decide
June 1, 2008 - Setting our minds on Heaven
May 25, 2008 - Worth remembering
May 18, 2008 - Thinking about Heaven
May 11, 2008 - Keepers of the faith
May 4, 2008 - Fifty years of ministry—and counting!
April 27, 2008 - One thing never changes
April 20, 2008 - Inviting Christ to the conflict
April 13, 2008 - Jesus loves the little children
April 6, 2008 - The purity priority
March 30, 2008 - Beyond the barriers
March 23, 2008 - Living hope—and more
March 16, 2008 - What are the chances?
March 9, 2008 - Spiritual leadership
March 2, 2008 - Finding financial freedom
February 24, 2008 - War and prayer
February 17, 2008 - Loving God
February 10, 2008 - A word of caution?
February 3, 2008 - The school of prayer
January 27, 2008 - Beneath the surface
January 20, 2008 - Life in the womb
January 13, 2008 - Praying for your family’s safety
January 6, 2008 - Honesty is its own reward
December 30, 2007 - ESCN: Celebrating the ministry of the smaller church
December 23, 2007 - The Christmas Store
December 16, 2007 - Peace at Christmas
December 9, 2007 - Forgiveness: making the most of every opportunity
December 2, 2007 - Working at holiness
November 25, 2007 - First things first
November 18, 2007 - Remembering to give thanks
November 11, 2007 - Responding to persecution
November 4, 2007 - Deep people
October 28, 2007 - The force behind the evil
October 21, 2007 - True love
October 14, 2007 - Life in perspective
October 7, 2007 - Nuggets of wisdom
September 30, 2007 - Everything is spiritual
September 23, 2007 - Church camp: the best week ever
September 16, 2007 - Fishers of Men
September 9, 2007 - One life saved, many lives blessed
September 2, 2007 - The work of service
August 26, 2007 - Freedom from guilt
August 19, 2007 - Honoring students, honoring teachers
August 12, 2007 - Sharpening skills and shaping character
August 5, 2007 - Not just idle words
July 29, 2007 - Opportunities to honor your minister
July 22, 2007 - Nothing more to say
July 15, 2007 - The God of second chances
July 8, 2007 - Creation: affirming the Genesis account
July 1, 2007 - Encouraging others to share their faith
June 24, 2007 - Missed opportunities
June 17, 2007 - A father’s advice, a father’s prayer
June 10, 2007 - What the ocean teaches me
June 3, 2007 - Christian unity knows no barriers
May 27, 2007 - Finding the good in grief
May 20, 2007 - A word about our words
May 13, 2007 - A mother’s devotion
May 6, 2007 - ESCN: will you help us help smaller churches?
April 29, 2007 - My intergenerational church
April 22, 2007 - The fellowship of the Spirit
April 15, 2007 - The beautiful harmony of second fiddles
April 8, 2007 - A resurrection encounter
April 1, 2007 - Reasons to boast
April 1, 2007 - Living A.D.
March 25, 2007 - Sharing good news
March 18, 2007 - Nothing to fear
March 11, 2007 - Be ready
March 4, 2007 - He knows
February 25, 2007 - The answer
February 18, 2007 - Learning from model churches
February 11, 2007 - One
February 4, 2007 - ESCN: committed to the health and growth of smaller churches
January 28, 2007 - Disciple making through the centuries
January 21, 2007 - How precious!
January 14, 2007 - More days, more service
January 7, 2007 - Helpful resources
December 31, 2006 - A clean slate
December 24, 2006 - The Word became flesh
December 17, 2006 - The most beautiful word
December 10, 2006 - Winning friends
December 3, 2006 - Looking back over the long haul
November 26, 2006 - Releasing the power of the smaller church
November 19, 2006 - Check marks on my prayer list
November 12, 2006 - Selfless service in the inner city
November 5, 2006 - I was sick and in prison
October 29, 2006 - I was a stranger and needed clothes
October 22, 2006 - I was hungry and thirsty
October 15, 2006 - Make someone happy
October 8, 2006 - A Greeting
October 1, 2006 - Perhaps you can help
September 24, 2006 - Yet I will rejoice
September 17, 2006 - What looks like a church?
September 10, 2006 - Discipling the third generation
September 3, 2006 - Significant living
August 27, 2006 - Don’t give up, church!
August 20, 2006 - Raising responsible kids
August 13, 2006 - What you don’t see
August 6, 2006 - The fine art of Christian friendship
July 30, 2006 - Preventing Conflict
July 23, 2006 - All nature sings
July 16, 2006 - A God who goes before us
July 9, 2006 - Reverent Fear
July 2, 2006 - The Rewards of Knowing God
June 25, 2006 - Our partnership in the gospel
June 18, 2006 - A father after God's own heart
June 11, 2006 - What we've learned
June 4, 2006 - The perfect day
May 28, 2006 - Remembering
May 21, 2006 - Honoring God with our bodies
May 14, 2006 - A mother's love
May 7, 2006 - One man's vision
April 30, 2006 - Serving with impact
April 23, 2006 - Noticeable holiness
April 16, 2006 - Sunrise service
April 9, 2006 - Faces in the crowd
April 2, 2006 - Vision and value for smaller churches
March 26, 2006 - Following in my father's footsteps
March 19, 2006 - Wisdom for every stage of parenting
March 12, 2006 - It's worth it
March 5, 2006 - Desiring God
February 26, 2006 - Good friends
February 19, 2006 - Suicide: a counselor's view
February 12, 2006 - The purpose of purity
February 5, 2006 - The book of Bible stories
January 29, 2006 - Coping with life's changes
January 29, 2006 - Coping with life's changes
January 22, 2006 - Respecting Life
January 15, 2006 - Choosing the right word
January 8, 2006 - Thinking biblically about money
January 1, 2006 - What's new
December 25, 2005 - Christmas worship, part two
December 18, 2005 - Christmas worship, part one
December 11, 2005 - The view from another boat
December 4, 2005 - Growing Up
November 27, 2005 - Thanks, Mark!
November 20, 2005 - Feeling Overwhelmed?
November 13, 2005 - The National Missionary Convention
November 6, 2005 - Two calls to prayer
October 30, 2005 - Watch and pray
October 23, 2005 - The Creator's palette
October 16, 2005 - Coming home
October 9, 2005 - Faith, perseverance, and church camp
October 2, 2005 - When truth speaks
September 25, 2005 - A glimpse into the kingdom
September 18, 2005 - Be still
September 11, 2005 - Getting home
August 24, 2005 - Rest