Perhaps I’m just optimistic or naive, but I believe our daughter when she says she’s not been sexually involved with anyone. However, she has said she’d like to be on birth control pills before she leaves for college in the fall “just in case” she changes her mind. I appreciate the fact that our daughter has been open enough to talk to me about this, but my husband is upset and will not support that decision. Certainly none of us want her to get pregnant. What do you think?

Your question seems to imply that your daughter has only two options: an unwanted pregnancy or birth control pills. There is a third option—abstinence and following God’s plan for sexual purity that waits for marriage.

The “everybody’s sexually active” message your daughter may be hearing isn’t true. Statistically approximately 50 to 60 percent of young single adults are sexually involved, but that doesn’t mean your daughter has to be part of that statistic. Open communication is good. Continue to talk with your daughter about the temptations she will face away from home—sex will be just one of them—and express your trust in her to handle each situation. If you offer her birth control pills while telling her that, you’re saying, “I want you to remain pure, but I don’t have the confidence you’ll be able to do that.” Think twice before sending that mixed message to your daughter.

What God says about sexual intimacy outside of marriage is not a standard you and your husband created; rather, sexual purity is God’s idea. And God’s commands are in our best interest. If she chooses to follow God’s way, remind her that he has promised not to allow her to be tempted beyond what she is able to handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Talk about God’s principle of sexual abstinence before marriage and his power to help her overcome. We know some Christians who have written a letter to their future spouse explaining their reasons for remaining pure. The letter is saved and presented to the spouse just prior to the wedding. You may also want to give your daughter a promise ring as a material reminder of her commitment.

All of God’s rules are signs that he loves us. God wants to save us from the suffering that results if we ignore his boundaries. While birth control pills may prevent an unwanted pregnancy, they do nothing to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Anything but abstinence will increase your daughter’s chances of acquiring a disease that has long-term consequences. The false sense of security that’s offered as “safe sex” actually puts young people at risk. Three million teens get an STD each year. After asking about sexual activity, one family physician recently told his patient that he recommends abstinence from a medical point of view. He told her about countless married women who had come through his office and were unable to become pregnant because they had contracted a sexually transmitted disease during their promiscuous years.

Sexual intimacy outside of a committed marriage relationship can also have devastating emotional results. A pill can’t fix a broken heart. Your daughter should be advised that sexually active males tend to have more than one partner. Ironically, the same young men who want sex without marriage often want to marry a virgin. (Obviously, the girls they’re having sex with aren’t the ones they intend to marry.)

Young people have been inundated with various methods of birth control and yet sexual activity and pregnancies have increased. By remaining connected with your daughter and holding on to your belief in God’s plan for her, you will be a source of strength to help her stay pure. As a young person growing up, one of the factors that contributed to my (Bev’s) commitment to sexual purity was that I couldn’t bear to think that I’d disappoint my parents or grandparents. What they taught me and thought of me mattered a great deal. Don’t give up on your daughter when she needs you the most and don’t give in to the myth that a pill can prevent the pain of sin. Trust and pray that your daughter will choose to resist sin and live her life according to God’s perfect plan.

Having made the cause for sexual purity, be aware that your daughter may still choose to obtain birth control pills. Because she is considered an adult, she can get contraceptives without your permission. If she does make that choice, keep the lines of communication open rather than shutting it down because you disagree with her decision. The Bible reminds us that nothing can separate us from God’s love (Romans 8:38, 39). As a parent, don’t allow this (as difficult as it may be) to separate you from your daughter. |L

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