Home Life

I want my children to have positive self worth, but sometimes I find myself giving empty praise and not being frank with them. How can I help them find their own worth?

Genesis 1:26, 27 teaches that every person is created in the image of God. Every person has eternal value in God’s eyes. Parents can help children learn from an early age that they have this great worth.

Self-worth is one of the most important building blocks of a child’s life. Robert Brooks, a faculty member at Harvard Medical School, defines self-worth as “the feelings and thoughts that individuals have about their competence and worth, about their abilities to make a difference, to confront rather than retreat from challenges, to learn from both success and failure, and to treat themselves and others with respect.” Each of us possesses profound, eternal worth, whether we realize it or not. Feelings of worthlessness, although common, are false. Though we may feel worthless at times, our worth in the sight of God remains unchanged.

The Significant Role of Parents

Most parents wisely understand how critical it is that their children have healthy self-worth. This characteristic gives children a strong sense of purpose and direction in life. According to researchers, a child’s understanding of his or her self-worth plays a significant role in determining what that child will become later in life, and they acknowledge that parents are essential in nurturing this understanding. Nurturing feelings of self-worth in our children is one of the most valuable gifts we can give them, a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Most self-confident and resilient children come from happy, caring, and supportive homes that are guided by clear guidelines and reasonable discipline. These children have the ability to bounce back from difficult situations.

A positive connection to parents can foster greater self-worth. Research on this topic reveals that, while feelings ultimately have to come from within, parents have great power to encourage or discourage self-worth in their children. The research also shows that suggestions about how to increase these feelings are similar. Most are simple and not difficult. These suggestions acknowledge that parenting is challenging and must be worked at constantly and attentively, but they do not require extraordinary parenting.

Cultivating Self-Worth

Here are practical ideas to help you nurture feelings of self-worth in your children:

Pay attention to your children. Listen and be attentive. When you listen attentively, children feel they matter to you. In many cases, they can solve their own problems just by talking to someone who cares. Show interest in your child’s activities. Try to be home when they leave in the morning and when they come home from school in the afternoon. Attend events where your children show their talents such as school plays, musical performances, or sporting events.

Treat your children with respect. When your children are in the room, acknowledge them, even if you’re busy. Talk about them positively to other people in situations where they can hear your praise. Don’t criticize them in front of other people.

Be affectionate with your children. Show your affection both verbally and physically. Most young children love to be held, hugged, and kissed. Older children also appreciate hugs and pats on the back. Spending time with your children also communicates affection, as does jotting them notes of encouragement or just sitting and talking with them.

Express your appreciation for your children. Let your children know that you notice them and are aware of their good behavior. Even when they haven’t done anything out of the ordinary, let them know you appreciate them. It’s important for them to know they are loved because of who they are, not because they’re good or meet adult expectations.

Discipline your children in positive ways. When a child misbehaves, never discipline in anger. Rather, think of positive ways to teach and correct him. A child responds more positively to gentle correction than to harsh discipline.

Allow your children to be independent and responsible. Teach children principles and then allow them to explore and learn. Responsibility is caught more than taught. Set tasks for them and allow them to carry them out. Support them and direct them, but do not force them to do things your way. Be patient as you teach your children to be responsible and independent. While it is important for children to be independent and responsible, don’t be afraid to come alongside of them when they need help. And if they blow it, and we all do, trust them enough to give them the same task again. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8805 Governor’s Hill Drive, Suite 400, Cincinnati, OH 45249, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.