Our family is going in different directions, and I’m beginning to believe my husband and I lack the commitment we once had. Sometimes I’d just like to get in the car, drive, and not come back. How do we find that “stick to it” feeling we once had with each other and with our children?

You don’t need research statistics to know the value of commitment in family relationships. With commitment to marriage and family, there are fewer behavior problems in children and less conflict among spouses, parents, and children. Husbands and wives who are dedicated to building a strong marriage are more likely to be happy with their relationship and have less desire to look elsewhere.

Commitment is a conscious choice to be bound to someone or something. It will take a determined effort on the part of every family member. Begin with your marriage by taking your vows seriously; your marriage is a sacred covenant or promise—not a contract. Because the husband and wife relationship must become the highest priority, you must set aside time to make (or keep) it strong. Work unselfishly to create and maintain a relationship that will meet needs. Remember your engagement period and how much time you invested in your relationship? Talk together and find out what brings your partner joy. Then act! Be willing to make changes.

Sometimes married couples commit to one another only as long as they have feelings of love for one another. But feelings of love come and go. Some days we love everyone. On other days, we may not like anyone, including our spouse. If a commitment is based on feelings alone, it will not last. Committed couples realize that although love brought them together, commitment to one another (even at times when they don’t “like” one another) keeps them together. And, yes, commitment is a choice.

There are many ways to cultivate commitment at home:

“Do you? I do.” Find a way to renew your marriage vows. Perhaps you can return to the same place you first spoke your vows and reaffirm them with each other. Regardless of where your marriage ceremony was performed, you can plan a special occasion, such as an anniversary, to renew your vows. You might even want to invite a few friends or family members to witness the occasion and hold an informal reception afterward. Every year on our anniversary, Phil and I (Bev) take some time away to recommit our lives to one another and to look back over the past year. We also dream about our future together and make plans about what we want to accomplish.

Develop family traditions. A family tradition is an activity or event that occurs with regularity and holds special meaning to a family. Family traditions promote feelings of warmth and unity. As a family, identify and evaluate traditions you now have and make plans to add new ones. List your traditions and include everything from visiting grandparents on certain holidays or occasions to buying ice cream cones on Saturday afternoons. We have a “Red Plate” tradition in our family; on special occasions, or even if someone just needs a “pick me up,” the Red Plate is set out for that person. Make Friday a family movie night. Your children will be a great help in developing a list of traditions, and if your family is like most, doing something twice makes it a tradition!

One father suggested “midnight pancakes” so that he could stay better connected to his dating teens.

Enjoy “down time” together. Watching a movie that shows family commitment can be the beginning for a great discussion starter. Hollywood often takes a beating from Christians, but there are good options. We quickly instituted and adapted the “high—low” activity in our family after seeing it in “The Story of Us.” Each person shares a “high” and a “low” from the day.

Discover your heritage. Sometimes you can see where you’re going by looking at where your family has been. Reminisce with old pictures and videos. You might even spark an interest in genealogy. Encourage your children to talk to their elderly relatives so they can get a glimpse of their past.

Develop a family motto. One of our family sayings is “I love you no matter what.” The four of us have very distinct personalities, and we’ve all made mistakes. So our commitment is that not only do we love each other; we love each other no matter what. That’s not to say we don’t speak the truth in love and confront when necessary, but our love for one another remains true. We have a good model for such love. Jesus loved us while we
were still sinners (Romans 5:8). |L

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