I’m more scared than excited to know that we’re going to be parents. What if we mess up? Where should we begin with our new responsibilities?

First of all, you are going to “mess up.” But the good news is that love covers a multitude of mistakes (see James 5:20). We can remember standing over the crib as it held Brian and Amanda and clinging to that Scripture because we didn’t know what to do and we were sure we’d “mess up.” Years later we still come back to that Scripture.

Having a new baby in the family is one of the most special times in a parent’s life, but it is also one of the most stressful and chaotic times. Your little one is God’s miracle of life, and because he or she is very precious to you, parenting responsibilities will be an important role for you over the next 20 years. (And, from where we stand now, we’re not sure it ends then!)

Most parents have no formal training, and reading a book doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of what you need or want to know. You are going to learn by hands-on training and mentoring. Primarily our parenting knowledge comes from watching our own parents or observing other parents. Your parenting will be an accumulation of learning because there is no one “right” way to parent and there are no perfect parents! (And, as often happens, just when you think you have it almost figured out, you’ll probably become pregnant with your second child who does everything differently!)

Continue to watch other parents and their children. You’ll see behaviors and attitudes you want to mimic (or avoid). Yes, there are books and charts for this information, but there’s nothing like seeing children and their parents interact. Volunteer at church and you’ll get to be involved in first-hand learning with experienced parents as they mentor you. Also consider parenting seminars and workshops where you can learn about different parenting tools that are appropriate with children at various stages.

No two children are alike. Each grows and develops at his or her own pace. Don’t compare your child’s development with another child’s. Interestingly, the only time we pray for our children to be normal is at birth; afterwards, we tend to push them to be exceptional. Knowing what to expect will help you relax and resist pushing your child beyond his capabilities.

Our son was physically shorter than most of his classmates. That didn’t bother him, but we wanted to make sure there was nothing wrong. After several tests we found out that Brian was healthy in every way; he just wasn’t going to be a center on the basketball team. Each child is a unique individual with strengths and weaknesses. Accept children for what they are and love them.

Most new parents are nervous when they bring their newborn home from the hospital. Learn to trust in your own abilities to be good parents. You will have the most contact with your child and will be aware of changes in behavior and appearance. No one knows your child like you, but when a question or a concern arises, don’t be afraid to ask someone for help. If you don’t agree with the first answer you receive, ask several others and compare answers. Lean on trusted friends, family members, and the experience of others.

With all the demands of parenthood, it is easy to put your own needs on hold and concentrate exclusively on your new baby. You may be up in the middle of the night and back up before the first light of dawn. Being a new parent can make you tired and irritable. That’s why it is important for each of you to take time for yourself. The better care you take of yourself, the better parent you will be. It’s not selfish to do something you enjoy—it’s called survival for you, your spouse, and your child. When we’d get too grouchy, Brian and Amanda would remind us, “You need to go on a date!”

Laugh, have fun, and enjoy parenthood. Don’t become consumed with the responsibilities of parenthood. Play with your baby. Read silly stories and Bible stories. Go for walks. Sing. Play games together like peek-a-boo or patty-cake. Don’t be afraid to allow the child in you to show. Enjoying your new baby is an expression of love for your child. The psalmist was right when he said, “Children are God’s best gift” (Psalm 127:3, The Message). |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 8, 2009 - Replacing anger with empathy
October 25, 2009 - Laying the right foundation
October 11, 2009 - Parenting without fear
September 27, 2009 - Mentoring the motherless
September 13, 2009 - Sharing family stories
August 30, 2009 - Parenting solo
August 16, 2009 - Surviving junior high
August 2, 2009 - Healthy boundaries at home
July 19, 2009 - Parenting curriculum
July 5, 2009 - Job loss and your family
June 21, 2009 - Winning dads
June 7, 2009 - Benefits of marriage
May 24, 2009 - Love at a distance
May 10, 2009 - Mother and daughter conflicts
April 26, 2009 - Caring at a distance
April 12, 2009 - Teaching children about God
March 29, 2009 - Family meal time
March 15, 2009 - Giving an allowance
March 1, 2009 - Growing children spiritually
February 15, 2009 - Reduce your stress level
February 1, 2009 - Pitfalls in parenting teens
January 18, 2009 - Vital signs of healthy families
January 4, 2009 - Life after divorce
December 21, 2008 - Santa and Christmas
December 7, 2008 - Raising spiritual champions
November 23, 2008 - Family traditions
November 9, 2008 - Parenting after divorce
October 26, 2008 - Feeling like a failure
October 12, 2008 - How to save your marriage
September 28, 2008 - Rolling with the changes
September 14, 2008 - Teens need boundaries
August 31, 2008 - To separate or not
August 17, 2008 - Teen drivers
August 3, 2008 - Adoption worked for our family
July 20, 2008 - Parenting curriculum
June 22, 2008 - The swivel door
May 25, 2008 - Expectations in marriage
May 25, 2008 - Helping our children become decision makers
May 11, 2008 - God’s plan for sexual purity
April 27, 2008 - Families and forgiveness
April 13, 2008 - Expressing thanks
March 30, 2008 - Love languages
March 18, 2008 - Cultivate commitment
March 2, 2008 - Teaching children about money
February 17, 2008 - Reclaim your family time
February 3, 2008 - Keeping the peace
January 20, 2008 - A preacher’s wife
January 6, 2008 - Passing on your faith
December 23, 2007 - Self-worth in children
December 9, 2007 - Forgiveness in the family
November 25, 2007 - Santa Claus is coming to town
November 11, 2007 - Parents under stress
October 28, 2007 - A more satisfying marriage
October 14, 2007 - Codependency
September 16, 2007 - Rewards and motivation
September 2, 2007 - Improving your child’s work ethic
August 19, 2007 - Teaming with teachers for success
August 5, 2007 - Communicating with your teen
July 22, 2007 - Childhood trauma
July 8, 2007 - Delegation and responsibility
June 24, 2007 - Learning to say no
June 10, 2007 - Teaching children about money
May 27, 2007 - When children rebel
May 13, 2007 - Mom’s wisdom
April 29, 2007 - 10 tips for parenting teenagers
April 15, 2007 - Making marital intimacy a priority
April 1, 2007 - Kids need time to play
March 18, 2007 - When you need counseling
March 4, 2007 - Bouncing back
February 18, 2007 - Narrowing your focus
February 4, 2007 - Choose your battles carefully
January 21, 2007 - New parents
January 7, 2007 - Parenting pointers
December 17, 2006 - The power of praise
December 3, 2006 - Knowing a woman’s heart
November 19, 2006 - On a more positive path
November 5, 2006 - Putting household chores in a positive light
October 22, 2006 - Finding significance
October 8, 2006 - Secrets of a healthy family
September 24, 2006 - Confronting elder abuse
September 10, 2006 - Parenting grandchildren
August 27, 2006 - Teaching our children right from wrong
August 13, 2006 - Letting go of adult children
July 30, 2006 - Solving your solvable problem