I refuse to let our 16-year-old daughter get her driver’s license. Although she’s very responsible, I fear for her after hearing horror stories about teen drivers. Our friends say I’m refusing to let her grow up. What do you think?

Sometimes it’s difficult to transition with our children from one stage to another, and it’s every parent’s desire to keep them safe. But would our children have ever learned to walk if we carried them everywhere? There’d be no scraped knees, but their muscles would not develop either. Prepare yourself—there will probably be a dented fender or two. Whether it’s learning to walk, staying home alone, or becoming a driver there are principles to follow in helping our children mature into responsible, independent adults. And that’s one of your goals, right? We’ll focus on the driving situation, but you can apply the ideas to other areas of life too.

Although statistics would support your right to be concerned, don’t become overly anxious. Commit to memory Philippians 4:6, especially the part that says, “Do not be anxious about anything.” Instead, let God know your concerns and take steps to do what you can to protect your child. Realize that you cannot isolate your teenager (or yourself) from every danger. After all, consider the irony that when we’re vaccinated we have to get a small portion of the virus to protect us from the very disease we don’t want.

Teen driver crashes are the leading cause of death for our nation’s youth, and that would concern any parent of a teen. The overwhelming majority of these crashes are caused by inexperience or distractions, not “thrill-seeking” or deliberate risk-taking. Yes, crashes are more common among young drivers than any other age group. In the United States, one in four crash fatalities involves someone 16 to 24 years old, nearly twice as high as other age groups. Don’t allow your worries to paralyze you or turn you into a panicky parent. Instead, focus on the following actions to help you loosen your grip.

Model the type of driving you want from your child. If you don’t want your son or daughter talking on a cell phone or eating while driving, don’t do those things while driving. Always wear a seat belt. Make sure you’re not speeding or tailgating. I (Bev) must admit that Brian’s only speeding ticket came when he was 16 and I was following him; had I been in front, the speeding ticket would have been mine!

If your daughter is behaving responsibly at home and school, it’s likely she’ll be a responsible driver (or babysitter—whatever the new situation is). Is she respectful of others and not easily angered? A teen who can handle the frustrations of life without losing his temper will be less likely to be involved in acts of road rage or “one-up-manship.”

Is your daughter able to work and make a financial contribution to her driving privileges? We found it helpful to have our children pay for a portion of their car, insurance, and gas. She’s on her way to becoming a responsible adult when she assumes ownership for her driving. And teens who make a financial investment in their driving are less likely to engage in irresponsible behaviors.

Just like you practiced those spelling words in elementary school the night before the big test, now is the time for your teenager to practice driving. Each state has regulations regarding the number of hours of driving time required before a license will be issued; it’s the single most important factor in developing a safe driver. Licensed driving schools are also available and may be required. Vary the routes, time of day, and driving conditions to give the new driver in the family confidence in a wide range of driving situations. If you’re not comfortable and relaxed doing this, find another adult who can. I (Phil) learned that it was best if Bev was in the car when our teens were practicing their driving.

Gradually introduce new privileges and talk to your teen about unsafe situations and how your teen can avoid them in the first place. Many states limit new drivers at night and restrict the number of passengers. If your state doesn’t, you still can as the parent. With time, you will become more confident in your teen’s driving (and, you’ll do more praying than ever). Parents must prepare their children to become responsible adults who can survive and thrive in the world. Just like kites on a string, we have to let them soar into the wind a little at a time. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8805 Governor’s Hill Drive, Suite 400, Cincinnati, OH 45249, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.

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