Some changes we look forward to with joyful anticipation, such as a daughter’s graduation. Other changes seem to sneak up on us, like when we realize our kids are old enough to drive. We’re guessing that you are not referring to either of these types of change. But there’s another kind of change: the kind we don’t want to see happen that can turn our families upside down. These unwelcome changes present the biggest challenge, especially to those of us who think we have more control over life than we do.

We can become overwhelmed and get stressed out when we realize how little control we have over our circumstances. Counselors remind us that we cannot avoid the twists and turns in life, but we can choose our response to them. This is a key to getting through the fog that has descended upon your family. How are you responding to your changing circumstances? Our willingness or reluctance to embrace change can determine our entire outlook on life—whether we see our future as something to be anxious about or look forward to.

One of the most secure and untroubled times for the Haas household was when our kids were in elementary school. We naively assumed that the present calm would be unending. Not so. Our elementary kids became teenagers. Family researchers have identified stages in family life and some are more challenging than others. Between each stage is a time of transition. During these transitions or in-between times families experience what you appropriately referred to as the “fog” of change. This is a good time to remind ourselves that all families experience change as we move through the family life cycle.

Some people are risk takers who embrace change. But for most of us change can be scary or at least unsettling. The Israelites at one time expressed a desire to return to their familiar distress as slaves in Egypt rather than move forward toward the unknowns of the promised land (Numbers 14:1-4). Change pushes us out of our comfort zones and stretches us in ways that might make us uncomfortable for awhile. But the rewards can be astounding. By releasing the familiar and embracing the next stage of life, we emerge as better people and a healthier family.

Job’s life was the epitome of success. He had wealth, position, friends, and a family. Then the bottom dropped out when God allowed Satan to take it all away to prove that Job’s faith was not just the result of a charmed and calm life. At his lowest point, having lost his family, home, health, status, and his good name, Job proclaimed, “My prosperity has passed like a cloud . . . the days of affliction take hold of me” (Job 30:15, 16 New King James Version). Talk about unwelcome change! Job’s big question at that point was, “What did I do to deserve this?” What started out as a debate between God and Satan ended in a lesson on faith in the midst of change and humility for Job. Though the changes in his life were extremely painful, Job grew spiritually as a result and changed for the better. Most people talk about changing their world; only a few talk about changing themselves.

When it comes to change, we are limited in our ability to see how the uncomfortable changes play into God’s big picture. To quote Paul, “We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us” (1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message). Whether we perceive change as good or bad, positive or negative doesn’t alter the truth that God can use change and transitions in our lives to pull us out of our ruts and point us in a new direction.

There seems to be a propensity in people to picture the past stages in a way that makes them preferable to the upcoming stage. We certainly don’t want to forget what we’ve experienced in the past. Memories of the past can be a special comfort. However, now is the time for you to embrace change and look forward to the next stage that God has for you and your family. Change will happen. So let God help you and your family work together to survive the present transition and enter the joys of the next stage in your family’s life. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 8, 2009 - Replacing anger with empathy
October 25, 2009 - Laying the right foundation
October 11, 2009 - Parenting without fear
September 27, 2009 - Mentoring the motherless
September 13, 2009 - Sharing family stories
August 30, 2009 - Parenting solo
August 16, 2009 - Surviving junior high
August 2, 2009 - Healthy boundaries at home
July 19, 2009 - Parenting curriculum
July 5, 2009 - Job loss and your family
June 21, 2009 - Winning dads
June 7, 2009 - Benefits of marriage
May 24, 2009 - Love at a distance
May 10, 2009 - Mother and daughter conflicts
April 26, 2009 - Caring at a distance
April 12, 2009 - Teaching children about God
March 29, 2009 - Family meal time
March 15, 2009 - Giving an allowance
March 1, 2009 - Growing children spiritually
February 15, 2009 - Reduce your stress level
February 1, 2009 - Pitfalls in parenting teens
January 18, 2009 - Vital signs of healthy families
January 4, 2009 - Life after divorce
December 21, 2008 - Santa and Christmas
December 7, 2008 - Raising spiritual champions
November 23, 2008 - Family traditions
November 9, 2008 - Parenting after divorce
October 26, 2008 - Feeling like a failure
October 12, 2008 - How to save your marriage
September 14, 2008 - Teens need boundaries
August 31, 2008 - To separate or not
August 17, 2008 - Teen drivers
August 3, 2008 - Adoption worked for our family
July 20, 2008 - Parenting curriculum
July 6, 2008 - Tips for new parents
June 22, 2008 - The swivel door
May 25, 2008 - Expectations in marriage
May 25, 2008 - Helping our children become decision makers
May 11, 2008 - God’s plan for sexual purity
April 27, 2008 - Families and forgiveness
April 13, 2008 - Expressing thanks
March 30, 2008 - Love languages
March 18, 2008 - Cultivate commitment
March 2, 2008 - Teaching children about money
February 17, 2008 - Reclaim your family time
February 3, 2008 - Keeping the peace
January 20, 2008 - A preacher’s wife
January 6, 2008 - Passing on your faith
December 23, 2007 - Self-worth in children
December 9, 2007 - Forgiveness in the family
November 25, 2007 - Santa Claus is coming to town
November 11, 2007 - Parents under stress
October 28, 2007 - A more satisfying marriage
October 14, 2007 - Codependency
September 16, 2007 - Rewards and motivation
September 2, 2007 - Improving your child’s work ethic
August 19, 2007 - Teaming with teachers for success
August 5, 2007 - Communicating with your teen
July 22, 2007 - Childhood trauma
July 8, 2007 - Delegation and responsibility
June 24, 2007 - Learning to say no
June 10, 2007 - Teaching children about money
May 27, 2007 - When children rebel
May 13, 2007 - Mom’s wisdom
April 29, 2007 - 10 tips for parenting teenagers
April 15, 2007 - Making marital intimacy a priority
April 1, 2007 - Kids need time to play
March 18, 2007 - When you need counseling
March 4, 2007 - Bouncing back
February 18, 2007 - Narrowing your focus
February 4, 2007 - Choose your battles carefully
January 21, 2007 - New parents
January 7, 2007 - Parenting pointers
December 17, 2006 - The power of praise
December 3, 2006 - Knowing a woman’s heart
November 19, 2006 - On a more positive path
November 5, 2006 - Putting household chores in a positive light
October 22, 2006 - Finding significance
October 8, 2006 - Secrets of a healthy family
September 24, 2006 - Confronting elder abuse
September 10, 2006 - Parenting grandchildren
August 27, 2006 - Teaching our children right from wrong
August 13, 2006 - Letting go of adult children
July 30, 2006 - Solving your solvable problem