My husband has been transferred and our family has recently moved across the country. For the first time our family will be spending Thanksgiving by ourselves. I’m sad about being away from our families, but I’m trying to refocus and start our own family traditions. Other than the usual “turkey and dressing” traditions, what are some unusual Thanksgiving traditions you’ve heard of?

You are wise to be positive and reframe Thanksgiving as an opportunity to create your own family traditions. Phil and I moved from our birth state of Kentucky to Kansas right before we had children. Although we missed our family terribly, it gave us the opportunity to create our own family traditions. Distance didn’t allow us to depend on our parents and just borrow and blend into their traditions. Here are some thoughts and ideas we hope will help you create your own family traditions.

Sometimes we look too hard for the “just right” tradition when it’s often the simplest act that’s repeated (or can be repeated) at regular intervals. Traditions are the “We always. . . .” part of families. A tradition creates positive feelings and is more than a routine. Traditions involve emotions and may also come from your cultural heritage.

Traditions build connections between generations of family. Effective traditions promote a feeling of belonging and a sense of security in knowing what the family is about. When the rest of the world is hectic and changing, family members know what is constant in their family of traditions. In his book The Intentional Family (HarperCollins, 1997), William Doherty says,

As family bonds are weakened by busy lifestyles, families can stay connected only by being intentional about maintaining important rituals and traditions. Regular participation in meaningful traditions helps families overcome an inclination toward what family scholars call ‘entropy’ . . . an entropic family is one that loses its sense of emotional closeness because members neglect the family’s inner life and community ties.

Aim for a moderate number of traditions. Too few? You’ll forget to engage. Too many? You’ll get overwhelmed. Choose traditions that include every family member and are sensitive to the needs of all. Pick what works for your family. Include spiritual traditions too. Evaluate your traditions and adapt them as your children get older and your needs change.

When our children were very young we got a large Mason jar from my grandmother and set it in the center of our table. Each person gathered for Thanksgiving dinner had a shiny penny from that year sitting by the dinner plate. Before we ate, each person dropped the penny in the jar and recalled a blessing from the past year. (With inflation, maybe we should change it to a quarter!) The jar sits on our mantle the rest of the year to remind us how blessed we are as a family.

• We held hands around the table before passing the plates full of food. When several generations were represented, we had someone from each generation pray aloud.

• Certain foods in our family have become traditional Thanksgiving foods and are only cooked that day.

• We watched a family movie the night before Thanksgiving.

• While dinner was cooking, the children created placemats for everyone by tracing hands. Blessings were then listed on each of the fingers. The children talked about their blessings before the meal.

• We helped serve food at a shelter or took dinner to someone who couldn’t get out.

• Each year we used the same dishes (or in our family, the same “turkey platter”).

• Our local newspaper has a creative turkey-drawing contest each year. Amanda would cut out the turkey that she believed matched each person coming to dinner and make name cards for the dinner table. (For example, SuperTurkey went to Uncle Jimmy; BatTurkey might go to Brian.)

Brian and Amanda would pull out the Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving and put up the stockings while Phil and I hit the “early bird” specials. (This really was part of our tradition when the kids were young!)

We hope our suggestions help you create your own family traditions. And don’t stop with Thanksgiving traditions. Create a tradition for every month of the year. What about January? Perhaps a winter picnic? Look at the calendar and see what’s natural. The holidays easily lend themselves to traditions, but it will take effort on your part. We had friends in Wichita who surprised their neighbors with flowers every May 1. We had a picnic when we saw our first robin. What about birthdays? What actions are repeated every time there
is a birthday in your family? Start making your list of traditions and have fun together as a family. |L

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