Evening can be one of the most hectic times for families. Often both parents are coming in from a full day of work that didn’t quite get done and children are tired after spending the day at school or in childcare. Perhaps there’s an athletic event or other school activity before everyone is finally home. To complicate the hectic pace, everyone is hungry and wants to eat now. And, of course, you’d like to have something healthy for the family to eat. So . . . .

Why aim for the impractical family dinner?

Eating meals together as a family will help improve your child’s eating habits, sense of belonging, and relationships within the family, and will strengthen communication and social skills. Eating together also gives your children a chance to practice table manners. Sitting around the dinner table creates an environment that builds healthy relationships. As our family sat at the table we would each talk about a “high” and a “low” of our day. It was a non-threatening way of sharing life together.

Research by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has found that “compared to children who have frequent family dinners (five or more per week), children who have infrequent family dinners (less than three per week) are two and a half times likelier to have used marijuana and tobacco and one and a half times likelier to have drunk alcohol.” Mealtime is a venue for raising responsible children.

Don’t limit your family mealtime to dinner only. Consider adding a family breakfast or lunch on the weekend that compliments your family’s schedule. Family mealtime is about making connections, so turn off the TV, ignore the phone and other electronic devices, and spend some focused time together.

Only in Hollywood does the perfect mealtime exist. So find some shortcuts that allow everyone to eat together (so you’re not spending all your time cooking in the kitchen). Involve the kids in planning the menu; they’re more apt to eat the food they’ve helped plan and prepare, and cooking is a useful skill that builds self-esteem. You might have to make some compromises, but that’s okay.

I (Bev) would sit at the table and take suggestions about meal plans for the next week as I planned my grocery list. (It cuts down on the complaining about future meals.) If you’re like me, it’s easy to get into a rut. Pull out a cookbook and experiment. Don’t feel guilty when there’s a “carry in” dinner from a restaurant or if you go out and eat. After all, eating at a restaurant teaches children to order from a menu and use their verbal communication and math skills. As long as you’re together, you’re still eating as a family and you have an opportunity to talk to one another.

Remember, it’s not simply the act of eating together that makes the difference. Engaging in conversation, talking and listening, are what matter most.

Maybe you need to lower your expectations and relax about what a “sit down” meal involves. Depending on the ages of your children, mealtime is often an up and down situation because someone usually needs something. If someone is missing, don’t dwell on it. Eat, laugh, and enjoy your time together. Make sure everyone gets a chance to talk. This is not the time to discipline the children or solve all the problems of the day.

As our children got older, mealtime became a time to discuss current topics in the news and their implications in our lives. Children need a safe place to process with adults, and mealtime provides that. Ideas and arguments can be explored and processed. Although children might complain, they will benefit from having time together as a family. Start the habit while your children are young because as they become teenagers, it will only become more difficult as more activities and work schedules are added to the calendar. The quality of your family meal (specifically the depth of your communication) will improve with practice.

Your presence is your most valuable gift to your child. Dr. Howard Hendricks studied the life of Jesus in search of what Jesus did to inspire his followers to be so fully devoted to God. What Dr. Hendricks concluded was that “Jesus was with them, with them, with them.” Being with your children at mealtime is a seemingly little thing that can
make a big difference in your children and your family. |L

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