According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one million people were in “unmarried-partner households” in 1970. The number rose to 3.2 million in 1990 and continued to soar past 11 million in 2000. Researchers estimate that today as many as 50 to 60 percent of Americans cohabit at one time or another prior to marriage.

At the same time cohabitation is on the increase, the number of marriages continues to decrease. America also appears to be changing its attitude toward cohabitation. George Barna reported that 60 percent of Americans believed the best way to establish a successful marriage is to cohabit prior to marriage. According to the American Heritage Dictionary the term cohabitation means “to live together in a sexual relationship, especially when not legally married.” The common occurrence and acceptance of cohabitation is leading many well-meaning couples to ask, “Should we live together before marriage?”

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Christian psychologist and best-selling author, suggests that people who cohabit fall into two categories. First, there are those who have little or no intention of getting married. They simply want to enjoy the benefits of living together. This arrangement allows for a “quick exit” if things turn sour. The second group Warren describes is those who see living together as a prerequisite to marriage. These people say, “We’ll live together first and see how it goes.” Your question seems to put you in the second group.

The answer to why couples cohabit is more complex than any single answer. A primary reason couples forgo or delay marriage is because of their disillusionment. People who have witnessed or experienced the pain of divorce are understandably apprehensive about marriage. Regardless of the reasons, the reality is that the majority of couples are now choosing to live together before marriage. Keep in mind that the Bible teaches us that being part of the majority doesn’t mean we are right.

The Bible is clear on the subject of cohabiting. The Scriptures admonish us to avoid sexual immorality and to keep marriage sacred (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3).

The Bible is not the only voice supporting marriage over cohabitation. Consider the following:

Marriage is a commitment that holds people together. Numerous studies destroy the myth that living together is good preparation for marriage, thus reducing the risk of divorce. One study involving 3,300 cases found that people who cohabited prior to marriage had a 46 percent higher marital failure rate than non-cohabiters. As sociologists David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead wrote in their extensive review of recent literature, “Virtually all research on the subject has determined that the chances of divorce ending a marriage preceded by cohabitation are significantly greater than for a marriage not preceded by cohabitation.” Couples who choose to live together before marriage may be reinforcing a lack of commitment to one another.

Marriage creates healthier individuals. Scores of studies have shown that married people are better off emotionally and physically than unmarried partners. People who are married tend to avoid more harmful behaviors. In general, married people lead a healthier lifestyle and tend to live longer.

Married people have more wealth and economic assets. Because a married couple can pool their economic resources, they tend to be better off financially. In fact, the median household wealth for a married couple is $132,000, as compared to $35,000 for singles, $42,275 for widowed individuals, and $33,670 for divorced individuals.

Contrary to what the media would have us believe, married couples have a more satisfying sexual relationship. In truth, married couples have sexual relations about as often as couples who cohabit and are more likely to be extremely satisfied with their sexual relationship.

Marriage provides stability for children. Children generally do better when raised by a mom and a dad who are committed to one another. Seventy-five percent of children born to cohabiting parents will experience their parents’ separation before they reach age 16. Only one-third of children born to married parents face a similar fate.

Amid the alarming statistics about cohabitation, we can confidently counsel couples that a “trial marriage” is unwarranted. Living together outside of marriage violates biblical commands and puts a couple’s future marriage at risk. This is not to say that cohabitation guarantees marital failure or that marriage guarantees success. There are exceptions, but a couple who lives together before marriage stacks the odds against their future marriage. We hope you will find other ways to make sure you are right for one another. |L

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