Every parent wants to be good and win the game of parenting. But what are the roles and responsibilities that parents, specifically fathers, need to fulfill? To answer your question, we went to Dr. Ken Canfield, founder and President of the National Center for Fathering, and his colleagues. They’ve done extensive research on this question and talked to dads themselves. After examining what the Bible says as well, they were able to identify seven actions of winning dads.

You have already mentioned the first action—provide for your family. Even though we’re in tough economic times, this may be the easiest action for many dads. When the dad works and is able to have a reliable source of steady income and provide for the basic material needs of the family, there is a sense of security for the children (and wife). Feel proud that you are meeting one of the needs of your children. As a child, I saw my dad work hard and I felt safe at all times. I knew he would always take care of us.

Second, commit to your children. In other words, be willing to carry out your responsibilities. Our commitment is reflected in the amount of time, energy, and resources we are willing to give or hand over to the task of being a parent.

To be a winning dad you must know your child. Study and learn what your child is capable of at a particular age. This will help you understand social and emotional needs. By knowing each child’s individual likes and dislikes, goals, and abilities, you can support his or her unique characteristics. Proverbs 22:6 tells parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go.” In the way he should go is literally, “according to his (the child’s) way.” As you watch your child, you’ll be able to discern the special strengths and work areas God has blessed him with.

Winning dads will be consistent in the family. Keep your promises. This means you must stay faithful in the big and little parts of life—whether it’s the marriage vows to your wife, attending the music program at school, or sitting through very long games in cold, rainy weather. Children need a dad who is predictable. The children of a consistent father know that when dad says he will be there or do something, they can count on it happening.

Give your child your undivided attention and actively listen. When communicating with your children, focus more on hearing and less on being heard. That’s the advice the Bible gives: “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19).

Respect your child’s mom and build a loving, caring relationship with her. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives as Jesus loved the church. Your obedience provides your children with an effective model for marriage and affects the way they will look at their own marriages some day. (In families affected by divorce, this quality still applies. A winning dad respects the mother of his children regardless of the relationship that exists or doesn’t exist between them.)

Teach biblical values to your child if you want to be a winning dad and if you are going to obey your God-given responsibility (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Ephesians 6:4). Modeling a godly life and helping your children work out their own relationship with God should be the goal of every parent.

Being a good dad is not automatic; it requires hard work. There is no job harder than parenting. However, the benefits defy any description we could write. Having entered another stage of life where our children are now young adults, we can say the investment is well worth it, and there were no shortcuts. Keep in mind that your children may not recognize what a good dad you were until they become parents themselves!

For more information about the National Center for Fathering go to their website at www.fathers.com or call (800) 593-DADS. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
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October 25, 2009 - Laying the right foundation
October 11, 2009 - Parenting without fear
September 27, 2009 - Mentoring the motherless
September 13, 2009 - Sharing family stories
August 30, 2009 - Parenting solo
August 16, 2009 - Surviving junior high
August 2, 2009 - Healthy boundaries at home
July 19, 2009 - Parenting curriculum
July 5, 2009 - Job loss and your family
June 7, 2009 - Benefits of marriage
May 24, 2009 - Love at a distance
May 10, 2009 - Mother and daughter conflicts
April 26, 2009 - Caring at a distance
April 12, 2009 - Teaching children about God
March 29, 2009 - Family meal time
March 15, 2009 - Giving an allowance
March 1, 2009 - Growing children spiritually
February 15, 2009 - Reduce your stress level
February 1, 2009 - Pitfalls in parenting teens
January 18, 2009 - Vital signs of healthy families
January 4, 2009 - Life after divorce
December 21, 2008 - Santa and Christmas
December 7, 2008 - Raising spiritual champions
November 23, 2008 - Family traditions
November 9, 2008 - Parenting after divorce
October 26, 2008 - Feeling like a failure
October 12, 2008 - How to save your marriage
September 28, 2008 - Rolling with the changes
September 14, 2008 - Teens need boundaries
August 31, 2008 - To separate or not
August 17, 2008 - Teen drivers
August 3, 2008 - Adoption worked for our family
July 20, 2008 - Parenting curriculum
July 6, 2008 - Tips for new parents
June 22, 2008 - The swivel door
May 25, 2008 - Expectations in marriage
May 25, 2008 - Helping our children become decision makers
May 11, 2008 - God’s plan for sexual purity
April 27, 2008 - Families and forgiveness
April 13, 2008 - Expressing thanks
March 30, 2008 - Love languages
March 18, 2008 - Cultivate commitment
March 2, 2008 - Teaching children about money
February 17, 2008 - Reclaim your family time
February 3, 2008 - Keeping the peace
January 20, 2008 - A preacher’s wife
January 6, 2008 - Passing on your faith
December 23, 2007 - Self-worth in children
December 9, 2007 - Forgiveness in the family
November 25, 2007 - Santa Claus is coming to town
November 11, 2007 - Parents under stress
October 28, 2007 - A more satisfying marriage
October 14, 2007 - Codependency
September 16, 2007 - Rewards and motivation
September 2, 2007 - Improving your child’s work ethic
August 19, 2007 - Teaming with teachers for success
August 5, 2007 - Communicating with your teen
July 22, 2007 - Childhood trauma
July 8, 2007 - Delegation and responsibility
June 24, 2007 - Learning to say no
June 10, 2007 - Teaching children about money
May 27, 2007 - When children rebel
May 13, 2007 - Mom’s wisdom
April 29, 2007 - 10 tips for parenting teenagers
April 15, 2007 - Making marital intimacy a priority
April 1, 2007 - Kids need time to play
March 18, 2007 - When you need counseling
March 4, 2007 - Bouncing back
February 18, 2007 - Narrowing your focus
February 4, 2007 - Choose your battles carefully
January 21, 2007 - New parents
January 7, 2007 - Parenting pointers
December 17, 2006 - The power of praise
December 3, 2006 - Knowing a woman’s heart
November 19, 2006 - On a more positive path
November 5, 2006 - Putting household chores in a positive light
October 22, 2006 - Finding significance
October 8, 2006 - Secrets of a healthy family
September 24, 2006 - Confronting elder abuse
September 10, 2006 - Parenting grandchildren
August 27, 2006 - Teaching our children right from wrong
August 13, 2006 - Letting go of adult children
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