My (Phil’s) first full-time ministry was with a church in Lexington, Kentucky. I couldn’t believe the church was paying me to do what I enjoyed and felt called to do. We didn’t have children yet, so Bev was often found working alongside me. The children and student ministries were growing. We fell in love with the people and connected with the church family.

After five years the senior minister, who was dearly loved and respected by the church, unexpectedly took another position across town. At the time we didn’t realize Earl had come “under fire” from a strong-willed leader.

About a year after that, I experienced my first job loss. I arrived at church on a Monday in December ready to begin another jam-packed week. Several hours later four church leaders whom I knew well stopped by the church office and asked to meet with me. Less than 30 minutes later I was leaving the building in shock and without a job. Like everyone else who has lost a job, I feel the need to explain. I’m resisting that pressure (though Bev told me I should let you know the reason had nothing to do with immorality).

I seldom share this story. In light of your question, we wanted you to know we’re not writing about a subject we’ve never experienced. Sometimes that happens when you write a column for more than 10 years; but this is not one of those times.

Job loss is one of the more challenging experiences we can face. Dr. Thomas Holmes and Dr. Richard Rahe developed a do-it-yourself stress test that assigned numbers to 43 life events. The higher the number, the more stress associated with that event. Job loss is ranked in the top 10 of stressful life events (number eight, to be exact). The number they assigned to job loss was 47. You can locate a copy of this stress test by Googling Holmes Rahe Stress Test.

The Holmes Rahe Stress Test also comes in a version adapted for children. In the children’s version, a parent’s job loss is only one point less for the child (46). Many parents do not realize their distress and fears are transferred to their children. As your stress increases, so does the stress felt by your entire family. Research shows that the loss of a job itself neither breaks up families nor brings them closer together. The key is your reaction to the event. We may not be able to control what stressful events come into our lives, but we can control how we respond. How we respond to a job loss determines the impact upon us and our family. So your response is most critical to making it through this time of testing.

Here are six responses which are found in tough families that survive the stressful events of life and end up stronger than before.

First, tough families stick together—even more so during difficult times. In our family we came up with a phrase to describe our commitment to each other: ”no matter what!”

Second, tough families talk openly and honestly about what they are going through. Don’t keep the job loss under wraps. Of course you’ll need to explain the job loss in age appropriate language to younger children.

Third, families that survive and thrive are positive. The message to your family needs to be, “We’ve made it through tough times before and we’ll get through this transition too!” We like to remind ourselves that our family can take lemons and make lemonade.

Fourth, since you have more time (and less money) during a job loss, make the most of this opportunity to do more together as a family. Try to have fun together as well as engaging the entire family in helping mom or dad find a better job. Children can stuff envelopes and do other tasks if given the opportunity.

Fifth, hard times are hard on families. Tough families face their hard times head on and look for solutions. Children who see their parents focus on solutions rather than problems learn to cope well with stressful events.

And sixth, put your trust in God and use your spiritual resources. Open God’s Word, pray, and surround yourself with a group of believers. We learned that if you put your trust in God he will provide for all of your needs, including another job (Philippians 4:19). This present crisis can become an opportunity to grow stronger in your faith and your family life. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 8, 2009 - Replacing anger with empathy
October 25, 2009 - Laying the right foundation
October 11, 2009 - Parenting without fear
September 27, 2009 - Mentoring the motherless
September 13, 2009 - Sharing family stories
August 30, 2009 - Parenting solo
August 16, 2009 - Surviving junior high
August 2, 2009 - Healthy boundaries at home
July 19, 2009 - Parenting curriculum
June 21, 2009 - Winning dads
June 7, 2009 - Benefits of marriage
May 24, 2009 - Love at a distance
May 10, 2009 - Mother and daughter conflicts
April 26, 2009 - Caring at a distance
April 12, 2009 - Teaching children about God
March 29, 2009 - Family meal time
March 15, 2009 - Giving an allowance
March 1, 2009 - Growing children spiritually
February 15, 2009 - Reduce your stress level
February 1, 2009 - Pitfalls in parenting teens
January 18, 2009 - Vital signs of healthy families
January 4, 2009 - Life after divorce
December 21, 2008 - Santa and Christmas
December 7, 2008 - Raising spiritual champions
November 23, 2008 - Family traditions
November 9, 2008 - Parenting after divorce
October 26, 2008 - Feeling like a failure
October 12, 2008 - How to save your marriage
September 28, 2008 - Rolling with the changes
September 14, 2008 - Teens need boundaries
August 31, 2008 - To separate or not
August 17, 2008 - Teen drivers
August 3, 2008 - Adoption worked for our family
July 20, 2008 - Parenting curriculum
July 6, 2008 - Tips for new parents
June 22, 2008 - The swivel door
May 25, 2008 - Expectations in marriage
May 25, 2008 - Helping our children become decision makers
May 11, 2008 - God’s plan for sexual purity
April 27, 2008 - Families and forgiveness
April 13, 2008 - Expressing thanks
March 30, 2008 - Love languages
March 18, 2008 - Cultivate commitment
March 2, 2008 - Teaching children about money
February 17, 2008 - Reclaim your family time
February 3, 2008 - Keeping the peace
January 20, 2008 - A preacher’s wife
January 6, 2008 - Passing on your faith
December 23, 2007 - Self-worth in children
December 9, 2007 - Forgiveness in the family
November 25, 2007 - Santa Claus is coming to town
November 11, 2007 - Parents under stress
October 28, 2007 - A more satisfying marriage
October 14, 2007 - Codependency
September 16, 2007 - Rewards and motivation
September 2, 2007 - Improving your child’s work ethic
August 19, 2007 - Teaming with teachers for success
August 5, 2007 - Communicating with your teen
July 22, 2007 - Childhood trauma
July 8, 2007 - Delegation and responsibility
June 24, 2007 - Learning to say no
June 10, 2007 - Teaching children about money
May 27, 2007 - When children rebel
May 13, 2007 - Mom’s wisdom
April 29, 2007 - 10 tips for parenting teenagers
April 15, 2007 - Making marital intimacy a priority
April 1, 2007 - Kids need time to play
March 18, 2007 - When you need counseling
March 4, 2007 - Bouncing back
February 18, 2007 - Narrowing your focus
February 4, 2007 - Choose your battles carefully
January 21, 2007 - New parents
January 7, 2007 - Parenting pointers
December 17, 2006 - The power of praise
December 3, 2006 - Knowing a woman’s heart
November 19, 2006 - On a more positive path
November 5, 2006 - Putting household chores in a positive light
October 22, 2006 - Finding significance
October 8, 2006 - Secrets of a healthy family
September 24, 2006 - Confronting elder abuse
September 10, 2006 - Parenting grandchildren
August 27, 2006 - Teaching our children right from wrong
August 13, 2006 - Letting go of adult children
July 30, 2006 - Solving your solvable problem