As a junior high teacher, let me (Bev) assure you that although there will probably be some tough times ahead, the junior high stage does not have to be the monster storm some have undoubtedly painted for you. I’ve seen some students sail through the waters with relative ease; others have had more difficulty navigating the twists and turns, especially the difficulties they have never faced before.

There is no magic formula or guarantee that can spare a parent or child the agony of adolescence. Proverbs 22:6 advises parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” Solomon’s wisdom gives us a probability (not a promise) and words of encouragement not to leave the training of our children to chance. Even with our influence there are no guarantees our children, like Adam and Eve, won’t make some poor choices.

However, certain characteristics will improve the odds that your son will survive and thrive through adolescence. According to Dr. Donald Joy, if your son can make progress in the following life development areas, he will be less at risk for serious temptations.

Make sure your son sees behavior you want him to imitate. Adults and peers have a strong influence upon him. As parents, model the behavior you want and have other positive adults mentor him in sports and clubs at school. It’s important for him to be surrounded by people he (and you) want him to be like. When we asked our son, who is currently a senior high youth minister, what kept him (mostly) out of trouble as a teen, he responded that he hung out with people who stayed out of trouble. It seems simple, but it’s important for your teen to have good friends. Paul would agree as he writes in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”

Teenagers need to belong. Nothing is sadder than watching students at school who sit by themselves at lunch, have no partner when groups are formed, or have no family cohesion. Teens need to connect. They are aware of their importance in the “food chain” at home and at school.

On a family level, take time to connect with your son. Do what he wants to do. Let him know you believe in him and have confidence in him. Bev’s connection to her family gave stability when life got tough as a teenager; she was so close to her grandmother that her decisions were influenced by that love and connection. She did not want to disappoint her parents or grandparents. Phil’s family of origin was mostly disconnected. He had a much more difficult time during his late teens than Bev did.

The sense of belonging at church will also help your son. The accountability he and other Christian teens share will help during difficult times. At school the students know that Bev is a Christian, and she knows which of her students are Christians. That accountability and belonging to Christ creates a bond that helps all of them.

A sense of competency reduces a teen’s risk of inappropriate behavior. He needs to know he can take care of himself and do well. Such self-worth comes from accomplishing a task and being independent, not from a hovering parent. Give him room to succeed and be his biggest fan. And, yes, he will “mess up” at times; that’s how he learns. As he continues to do well, give him more responsibility. We’ve heard it said that raising children is like flying a kite. You let out the string to let them fly and while pulling the string back gently at times, you must again let the string out. The students I’ve seen do the best in junior high have been given responsibility, offered encouragement, allowed to take the consequences of their choices, and then given another opportunity for learning.