My grandparents died before I was born and my parents never really talked about them. Even now my parents and I aren’t especially close and I know little about my heritage. How can my husband and I pass along our family backgrounds to our children?

The answer is simple—tell stories about what you know and ask questions about what you don’t know. The art of storytelling is being lost in our society. Yet storytelling not only connects us to our past, it connects us to one another. When a parent tells a child a story, it builds a relationship. Telling stories about your family history builds a sense of family as well. George Gerbner, a noted communication theorist, observed, “Children used to grow up in a home where parents told most of the stories. Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people most of the time.”

Significance of Stories
Throughout the Bible and particularly in the Old Testament, we are reminded to tell God’s story as well as our own (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 11:18-21 and Psalms 22:30; 78:4). Personal stories and stories of faith have the effect of connecting people, an essential part of family life. The stories about the past and about our faith not only help our children understand where we have come from, they give us insight into where we are today.

We have told and retold stories from our “before kids” years. During our first year of marriage we were seniors at Kentucky Christian University in Grayson, Kentucky. We lived in a trailer without air conditioning, the roof leaked, and the hallway was so narrow that Phil had to walk sideways to get from the kitchen to our bedroom. Stories are not just about getting to know the past; they contain teaching points as well. Our first year of marriage stories reminded our children that we didn’t start out where we are now. Through our stories they understand how we began as a couple. The point of a story will stay with us long after we have forgotten the particulars. Someone has said that written or spoken stories help us “walk into the future with an eye on the past.”

Assorted Stories
There are different kinds of family stories. One kind is the vacation or holiday disaster story. These are usually told and retold with more zest than stories of disaster-free vacations. They include, for us, the Florida vacation when every day was stormy and we found ourselves confined to our condominium. We drove 12 hours to enjoy ourselves only to be cramped into a space much smaller than our own house. We left two days early. Such stories are important because they remind us that our family can survive disappointments.

Other family stories are about heroic adventures and good deeds. These stories announce that we are a good Christian family. Who are the heroes of the faith in your family? Do your children know their stories?

Cautionary and adversity stories tell about the cousin who was badly injured in a car accident, or the uncle who became an alcoholic. Older family members usually want the younger members of the family to hear these stories so they will learn that families do not survive without trials. A good family life does not come effortlessly, but involves hard work and hard knocks.

Tips on Telling Stories
We’re all storytellers. Telling stories is one of the basic ways we communicate. When you tell someone about your day, you’re telling a story. There is no need to be anxious when faced with telling a story. You already have a lifetime of experiences behind you.

First, think about a story that means something to you. It’s important to have an emotional attachment to the story in order to give it the energy it deserves. The best storytellers develop their own styles. Relax when you tell the story and enjoy yourself. If you don’t enjoy telling the story, your family won’t enjoy listening to it. When you finish, explain something about the story. For instance, Bev tells stories about the summers she used to spend in Columbia, Kentucky with her grandparents. She would explain that is one reason why she was so close to her grandmother. Encourage your spouse, children, and other family members to join in and tell their stories.

Family stories are rarely the result of deliberate planning; they just happen as a part of living together. Special days such as anniversaries or birthdays provide a prime opportunity to tell stories. Funerals are such times as well. We hope you see how simple and important it is to tell family stories. Use storytelling to bring your family together—past, present, and future. |L

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