Being a good parent is really demanding. Do you have any pointers to help me make certain I’m doing the right things?

You seem to be feeling the fatigue every parent experiences. Parenting is really hard work and at times children can be a real challenge. Most would agree that no job requires more commitment, patience, control, and persistence than being a parent. Your job is not to achieve perfection—that’s impossible. But it is possible to improve. A good parent provides a home where the positive outshines the negative. Although there are frustrations, we must not overlook the pleasures of parenting that are just as real. Watching your children grow and develop, sharing your love with children, taking pride in your children’s achievements, passing on your values, doing fun things together, feeling part of a family, and feeling needed are just a few of the common joys expressed in a survey of more than 700 parents.

Before we share a couple of pointers, take a deep breath and reflect on what you are doing right as a parent. We’ve dwelled enough on the demanding side. Take a moment to be encouraged by the positive things you are doing and the joys that have come your way through your children.

Setting a Good Example

Set a good example for your children. That’s our top pointer for positive parenting. Think about what you say and how you act in front of your children. But before you allow your shortcomings to become troublesome, we remind you again that no parent is perfect. So start a list of things you can do to enhance your example. Make your list short and be specific. You can accomplish more by doing less. It is easier to start and stay with a few basics than it is to follow through on many remarkable things. The more specific you are, the more likely that you will follow through. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 teaches parents that what we want to get inside our children must first be inside of us! The hearts of parents will be reflected in their homes, and what’s in their homes will be imitated by their children.

Recovering from a Bad Example

Children misbehave, but they’re not the only ones. Parents behave inappropriately too at times. All parents, in fact, have their moments when they don’t respond to their children the way they would like. So what should we do when we lose our cool and react in a regrettable way? The old saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right” applies here. Excusing or trying to block out bad behavior can actually cause a bigger problem. Instead, when you misbehave around your children (and all of us do), exchange the wrong for a right by admitting your wrongdoing. It’s far better for parents to “fess up” rather than attempting to “cover up” their shortcomings.

Admitting wrongdoing is not as difficult as it may seem at first. Simply say, “I am sorry.” It’s tempting to stop with these words, but we suggest you add four more words, “Will you forgive me?” These seven words should be spoken sincerely whenever we slip up with our children. Preparing children for life includes teaching them how to deal with wrongdoing. So the next time you behave badly, respond in a way you will want your children to imitate when they misbehave.

Making Time for Your Children

Developing a close relationship with your children is our next pointer. How do parents create closeness with their children? There’s no single recipe for establishing a close relationship between parent and child, but there is one ingredient that is indispensable—time together. The old saying “Time flies!” is truer in today’s hectic world than ever. Look up from your busy life and before you know it, your kids are all grown up—out on their own or off to college. When we started writing this column our children were 12 and 10. Brian and Amanda are now 22 and 20. Where did the years go?

Most parents realize the rewards of investing in close family ties and yet the demands of jobs and daily household activities make it all too easy for time with our kids to get pushed down our list or squeezed out altogether. You won’t want to find yourself looking back, amazed at how fast the child rearing years have raced by, and realizing you missed spending time with your children. Spending time with your children develops closeness that lasts a lifetime and gives you a chance to shape your children’s values.

Setting a good example and spending time with your children are two pointers we think are essential for effective parenting. If you decide you haven’t done enough in these areas, don’t waste time feeling guilty. Just redirect your efforts. Better parenting begins with a single action. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8121 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45231, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.

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