Our staff at church has been discussing the book, Seven Practices of Effective Ministry (Multnomah, 2004), by Andy Stanley, Lane Jones, and Reggie Joiner. Practice number 3 in the book is entitled “Narrow the Focus.” The authors dare us to do fewer things in order to make a greater impact. If we decided to take them up on their challenge and narrow our focus at home, which areas would have the greatest impact?

More than 30 years ago a family relations professor at Oklahoma State University, Dr. Nick Stinnet, pioneered a movement that narrowed the focus of family research by concentrating on family strengths rather than on family weaknesses. His research sought to uncover what characteristics contribute most to strong family relationships. Stinnet and his colleagues discovered six characteristics common among strong families. These six traits are the areas we would recommend as you narrow your focus at home.

Finding Strong Families

Even strong families have their weaknesses, but they have certain qualities necessary to overcome their difficulties instead of being overwhelmed by them. As Stinnett studied family conditions in our country, he was troubled that much of the research and popular literature about families focused on what was going wrong with them. It’s easy for us to follow this same trend of noting the negative. Perhaps that is why Paul encourages us to think about “whatever is right” (Philippians 4:8). As a result, Stinnett launched what has become the most extensive research ever conducted about healthy family models.

Dr. Stinnett began to study strong families in Oklahoma and soon expanded his research project to the entire nation and beyond. He studied strong families of various ethnicities and geographic regions. Families that qualified for his research had to demonstrate a high degree of marital happiness and parent-child satisfaction and appear to meet each other’s needs to a high degree. Once the information was gathered and analyzed, six qualities surfaced in a remarkably high percentage of these families.

Focusing on Six Qualities

This ongoing research project conclusively shows that strong families possess the following six qualities.

Strong families are committed. These families are joined together by a covenant rather than a half-hearted agreement that is devoid of responsibilities. They are committed to promoting each other’s happiness and welfare as individuals.

They express appreciation to each other. They give each other a multitude of sincere compliments and concentrate on building one another up.

They practice good communication patterns. Strong families enjoy talking with each other. Their talk includes both deep and superficial conversation; they also listen attentively to each other.

Strong families spend time together. They enjoy doing a variety of activities together and spending time with one another.

They are able to solve problems in a crisis. Whenever a crisis strikes one of these families, they unite to deal with the crisis together. Bad situations and stress are dealt with in a positive way.

Strong families possess an active faith. Even though a department at a secular university directed this research and received funds from government sources, the research concluded that strong families are highly committed to their spiritual lives. In strong families faith is a practical, day-to-day experience.

Some families feel like they have no strengths when in reality, every family has strengths. No family is perfect though. As a ministry family we are not immune to the struggles of other families. It’s not enough to see the good in other families; we need to put the principles we uncover into practice in our own families. We encourage you to focus upon the six qualities of strong families and use them as a checklist for your family’s “health.” Identify the areas where your family is strongest and where your family needs work. Make sure you draw attention to your strengths and begin an open and honest discussion on how your family can improve in the other areas. Stay focused!

All of us most likely have some thoughts we believe are worth repeating. And hopefully, by repeating them, they develop into a habit. Bev and I have been writing this column since 1996. Our repetition over the years regarding information about healthy families may be getting close to becoming a habit. So if you have read this information in our column before, don’t turn a deaf ear; instead turn it into a habit in your family. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Repetition of the same thought develops into a habit.” We hope this is true about the information we’ve shared here to help make families work. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8121 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45231, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.

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October 11, 2009 - Parenting without fear
September 27, 2009 - Mentoring the motherless
September 13, 2009 - Sharing family stories
August 30, 2009 - Parenting solo
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June 21, 2009 - Winning dads
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February 15, 2009 - Reduce your stress level
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May 25, 2008 - Expectations in marriage
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July 22, 2007 - Childhood trauma
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