Home Life

From time to time in your column you encourage people to consult with a counselor. My wife and I are hesitant to talk to a counselor even though some of our friends have encouraged us to do so. Could you give us some insights that might help us stop dragging our feet?

You are not the only couple hesitant to consult with a counselor. Still, it’s important to realize that counseling with a trained professional might be helpful for whatever you’re facing. We hope you will seek outside help sooner rather than later so you can gain valuable insight.

Most people have to get beyond the Hollywood version of therapy. Counseling isn’t about lying on a couch talking to a total stranger about your deepest fears. Whatever you may have seen in movies like Analyze This or What About Bob? makes for good entertainment but bad promotion for the counseling profession.

Quality counseling is about gaining a better understanding of yourself and your life circumstances, helping you make good choices, and guiding you to take steps that will change your life (or marriage) for the better. When it feels like you can’t see the forest for the trees, it’s a good time to seek an outside perspective from a friend or counselor. Keep in mind that people are always seeking outside support. All marriages need a tune-up from time to time. Going to a trained specialist who is objective and will help you make significant changes is just plain smart.

What to Expect from a Counselor

During your first appointment, your rights as a client, state confidentiality laws, and limitations of therapy will be given to you in writing or reviewed verbally with you. The counselor will also give you a written disclosure statement of his or her licensure and areas of expertise. The counselor will conduct a thorough assessment of your current situation and gather important background information. You will be interviewed and possibly given a written assessment to complete. The counselor will then suggest a treatment plan or procedure. Part of the plan should include the counselor’s best guess as to how long the counseling process is likely to take. Do you see the similarity between the process described above and your experience with your family physician? If you are worried about your privacy and fear that personal information will get out, realize that all licensed professionals are bound by confidentiality laws to keep what is said and documented within a counseling session. (Exceptions are made in extreme situations such as potential suicide.)

The Right Counselor

What would you do if you were looking for a new dentist or doctor? Get referrals! Check with friends, a minister, or physician’s office. Before you choose a counselor, interview him over the phone. When Bev and I moved from our hometown of Louisville, Kentucky to Wichita, Kansas, we were expecting our first child. We spoke with other couples at church, visited hospitals, talked to nurses, prayed, and then narrowed our prospects to three doctors. Then we interviewed each doctor (yes, we actually did this). We chose Dr. Feuille to care for Bev and deliver our first baby. Talking with the doctors made our decision easier. When you talk with counselors, ask questions like: What credentials do you have? How long have you been practicing? What issues or problems do you specialize in? What is your experience in the area we are seeking counseling about? How would you approach this type of issue? What are your fees? Ask as many questions as you want.

After doing your homework, if you still end up with a counselor who isn’t helping or isn’t a good fit (this happened to our family once), realize that you are not stuck with him or her. Most of us have changed doctors when things were not going well. The same goes for counselors. There is no “one size fits all” in counseling. If your personalities don’t match, be up front and change to another counselor.

Getting Started

Once you have selected the right counselor, get started! Make an appointment and be prepared to actively work with the counselor. If you disagree, speak up. If you have questions, ask. If the counselor isn’t making sense, seek clarification. The more active you are in the process, the better. While you may not choose to tell people you are in counseling, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

When it comes to dealing with the changes, challenges, and crises of life, it’s crucial to seek help early. Don’t wait until that clicking noise turns into total engine failure. The sooner you seek help, the shorter and easier the resolution usually will be. Isaiah 9:6 uses four vivid phrases to describe the coming of Jesus. One of those positive phrases is “Wonderful Counselor.” Counseling isn’t for weak people; seeking outside help is a sign of strength. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8121 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45231, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.