Home Life

Our seven-year-old son plays on two different sports teams, takes karate and piano lessons, and is in a scouting program. Recently my mother has been insisting our son has too many commitments and is over-scheduled. I just want to expose him to various activities. What’s your opinion?

While we do have an opinion, as does your mother, your son’s opinion is most important. Don’t ask; just observe. If you ask, he may give you the answer he thinks you want to hear. Instead, watch for his response when you say it’s time to leave for practice. Do you have to remind him to practice his piano lesson? Does he eagerly run to get the equipment he needs for his sports? Does he play the sport on his own initiative or only when he’s required as part of the team? What you see will give you insight into whether these activities are for him or you. We have to recognize that there are “bragging rights” regarding our children, and sometimes parents fall into the dark abyss of over-scheduling activities.

Some parents extend their lives through their children. For example, Phil was an outstanding high school and college athlete, and our children, Brian and Amanda, showed great coordination skills at an early age. We were sure they were destined for the gym. But neither pursued athletics because they chose other endeavors. We (or more accurately Phil) tried to persuade them, but the interest wasn’t there at the time. So let’s examine both sides of this argument.

The Value of Unstructured Time

Having less free time to play, explore the world on their own, and just “be kids” may not be entirely healthy for children according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. The new report states that unstructured playtime is not only healthy, but essential for children in reaching important social, emotional, and cognitive developmental milestones, and it enables children to better manage stress and become resilient. A loss of free time, combined with a “hurry up” and competitive life style can be a source of stress, anxiety, and even depression for children. Having unstructured time also allows a child time to process what has happened during the day; there’s finally time to reflect and learn. When there’s time to be bored, children fall back on their own resources and engage their creativity. Friendships develop naturally when time constraints are relaxed.

A parent has to be intentional about building a margin of free time into a child’s (and parent’s) life. Serve as a role model by building a margin into your own life for relaxation, enjoyment of leisure activities, and quiet times. Demonstrate how “doing nothing” is okay.

The Value of Activities

Children benefit physically, socially, intellectually, and emotionally through extra-curricular activities. Children engaged in activities are more able to deal with disappointment, more comfortable with their bodies, and less likely to engage in destructive activities—like drug use—than couch potato kids. One of the benefits of playing sports is the development of motor skills as well as connecting the mind and the body. Self-discipline, time management, and team cooperation are other benefits that come from interactions with others. Most of Bev’s best junior high students are involved in various extra-curricular activities, and they manage their time better than those who have no other responsibilities. Many adults continue to pursue hobbies that were introduced to them in the early years of childhood.

Remember, academic enrichment opportunities and organized activities are not bad; many have worthwhile benefits. However, a balance needs to be reached, and individual children’s needs must be taken into account. A Scripture that describes how Jesus grew also provides a picture of a healthy and balanced childhood. Luke the physician points out in Luke 2:52 that “Jesus grew in wisdom (intellectually), stature (physically), and in favor with God (spiritually) and men (socially).” In simple terms, seek balance for your son and allow your child to grow the way Jesus grew.

Carefully consider the addition of each new activity in your child’s life. Putting a limit on the number of activities he can be involved in and allowing him to make a choice is a common practice among parents who want to help their children maintain a healthy balance in life. Just as you need to balance work and relaxation, children need to be encouraged to pursue balance in their lives. Don’t miss out on having fun with your son in a playful, creative, and imaginative way. Spend time with him with no goal in mind other than spending quality time together. Your job as
a parent is to raise a son who will become a responsible, successful, and balanced adult. |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8121 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45231, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.