Many children, including my own, have a sense of entitlement. What can adults do to help improve their work ethic?

We live in such a land of affluence that our children (and we) often take our everyday material blessings for granted. Our parents often worked hard to provide for basic necessities, saved their money, and lived modestly. Baby boomers have often surpassed their parents’ success, and now their children expect to have the luxuries to which they have become accustomed. Responsibilities once given to children are often hired out or done by the parents because the children are headed out to their next activity, so it takes a conscious effort to develop a strong work ethic in our children. God expects us to work and give our best, so as parents (and children) we need to honor God with our work. “And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best” (Colossians 3:22, The Message).

Creating Work for Your Children

Without specific responsibilities or obligations, children will not develop a work ethic. Parents must first model the work ethic they desire, and they should create more work for their kids. Consider all the menial, everyday tasks you do. Now decide what is appropriate for your child’s development. What responsibilities can you give to your children? Unloading the dishwasher? Setting the table? Carrying in the groceries? Mowing the yard? Cooking dinner? Even if you’re helping or working side by side, children need to help with household tasks. Whatever you have to do, you should have a child at your side. This is a great opportunity to talk, model for your child, and help your child learn. Remember this teaching practice: “Watch me. Do this with me. I’ll watch you do it.”

We use to have “laundry folding parties.” Someone would get the basket of clean laundry, it would get dumped onto the floor, and as we’d sit waiting for a favorite TV show, we’d make a game of getting the laundry folded before the show started or by the first commercial. No, it doesn’t matter whose laundry it is; we’re all part of the family and we work together helping each other. And your future son or daughter-in-law will be grateful his or her spouse has useful household skills. You’re not only solving today’s problems, you’re planning ahead.

Setting Priorities and Staying Positive

Determine what’s most important—homework, family responsibilities, jobs, and so on—before play and make sure it’s finished first. Everyone needs balance in his life, but too often play seems to come first. The work must be done well before there is a reward of free time. Your children will not perform to perfection, so encourage and praise their efforts if they’ve given their best. If not, they get to try again!

Your children will make mistakes and need reminders. Allow natural consequences to occur and don’t intervene. For example, if your son doesn’t put his clothes in the hamper, his favorite jeans may not be clean when he wants them. If toys are left out, they may no longer be available to him.

We worked together as a family, and Brian and Amanda were not paid as part of the family. After all, the parents aren’t paid to cook dinner, go to the grocery, and so on. We wanted them to learn to manage money, so they were given an allowance to cover most of their expenses (a general rule of thumb we followed was a weekly amount of one dollar per year of the child’s age) for activities, savings, and giving. As a family, you will need to decide how you’re going to deal with the money issue.

Talking While You Work

Working together gives you a prime opportunity to talk about what’s important. In addition, being together provides a chance to make a memory you will always be able to share with your children. In that prehistoric age before dishwashers, my sister and I (Bev) would be in the kitchen with my mom as we washed and dried the dishes every night. That was our chance to talk, laugh, and catch up on the day. While there were times I hated kitchen detail as a teen, I cherish those memories now.

We encourage you not to assign a responsibility and walk away; use it as a teachable moment. Your love and support will build your child’s self-esteem because he will learn to be responsible and his work ethic will lead to success. Remember, “the only place success comes before work is in the diction-ary” (Vince Lombardi). |L

Send your questions about family life to Phil and Bev Haas in care of The Lookout, 8805  Governor’s Hill Drive, Suite 400, Cincinnati, OH 45249, lookout@standardpub.com.We regret that personal replies are not always possible. Phil and Bev Haas are involved in education and family ministry in Cincinnati, Ohio. They are the parents of two children.

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