Do single people really have more free time? Are singles less happy than married people? Are single people and married people really that different? Some of the popular myths about singleness can cause confusion, hurt feelings, and unnecessary divisions.

Myth #1: Singles Have More Time

Many singles volunteer or have additional part-time jobs. In addition, there are relationships with family and friends to consider. One day a married friend said to me, “Well, I don’t think you have more time, but you get to do more of what you want with your time.” I would agree that I get to choose my activities. My activities are not determined by a husband or child. Still, many single parents have children’s activities to juggle.

A single friend, Connie, says, “I am never bored. There’s so much to see, read, learn, and do out there.” I wholeheartedly agree with her. Another friend, Karen, was widowed several years ago and she says, “I enjoy not having to have dinner on the table at a certain time. My time is my own—to read, watch TV, listen to music, work on art or other projects, spend time with friends and family, or work late if I need to. My focus is no longer on husband or children, but boredom has never been an issue for me, married or single. I’ve always had a project of some sort in the works.” The truth is that people are busy whether they are single or married and boredom is not associated with one group more than another.

Only a very self-centered person lives a responsibility-free life. Married or single, we are responsible to bosses, family, church, and friends, just to name a few. The responsibilities of a single person may seem multiplied. There is only one breadwinner, one person to make household decisions, one person to complete household chores, shop, cook, and run errands.

It is true that many singles enjoy a spontaneity that married people may not have, as singles do not have to coordinate a schedule with a spouse. Connie says, “The thing I like most is the ability to get up and go whenever I want and do whatever I want.” Still, some singles have children and their schedules may revolve around those children.

Married or single, life is full of responsibilities and cares. Despite those cares, we can engage in Bible study, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians to stay focused on God and his peace. In Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus taught us that we have the responsibility to love God with all our hearts and minds and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

When Karen’s husband died, “Loneliness was such an issue,” she observes. “I was reading a book where a character said, ‘Make loneliness your friend.’ That changed my perception and opened my life to greater possibilities.” I have noticed that those times when I feel sad and lament my singleness are those times when I have become too focused on myself—an easy thing to do when you are single.

God’s Word is full of directives to spend time helping others. It’s strange, but when we focus on someone else we are better able to see God’s blessings in our own lives. Connie brings up another point: “I believe my job is to work on those areas of my life that may need some shining up.” Karen adds, “I feel whole, I know who I am, and I enjoy whatever my life brings.”

Singleness may be God’s best for our lives. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul tells us that it is good to be single so we can be focused on the Lord’s affairs. He explains that the interests of married people are divided. They are concerned about pleasing their spouse as well as God. Married or single, God asks us to pursue him with our whole hearts.

Being single does not mean you are irresponsible, bored, deficient, or depressed. It may mean you have an opportunity for more choices than your married friends, but it should not mean that you struggle through life making every decision on your own. Our heavenly Father is always there and he cares about even our smallest concerns. Married or single, belonging to a small group at church is a way to form a “family.” This family shares the burdens of life as well as the joys. Seeking God through prayer, Bible study, and fellowship with other believers will help us pursue his will for our lives. |L

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July 12, 2009 - Letting the past go
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March 8, 2009 - Conversation over shoes
February 22, 2009 - By their plurals you shall know them
February 8, 2009 - What is missing from your retirement plans?
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June 1, 2008 - Reclaiming the name
May 4, 2008 - God is not our fairy godmother
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