“Stop that barking,” I scolded. “Behave yourselves. Get off the sofa.” I was having a difficult day and the dogs’ bad behavior wasn’t helping. I found myself raising my voice and sounding less than kind and patient. My day didn’t get any easier either. The weather turned nasty.

“Oh, wouldn’t you know,” I griped aloud to no one in particular. “Look at this weather. Why can’t we have some sunshine once in awhile? Rain and wind. That’s all we get these days.”

I felt sour and irritable. I couldn’t decide which shoes to wear. My favorites, old faithfuls nicely broken in and comfy, also unfortunately leaked on really rainy days. My choice was less comfortable shoes or soaking wet feet. I griped and fussed, whined and whimpered.

As the day progressed I snapped at my family members, complained loud and long to friends, and didn’t smile much at strangers. I agreed with sales clerks who said they dreaded going out in the storms. I kept up a running stream of unpleasant and unhappy comments.

Even grocery shopping got me down. “Look at these prices,” I muttered to myself. “Constantly going up. Why doesn’t anything get cheaper? Why does everything get more and more expensive?”

The end of the day found me as bad tempered as when I’d begun. I fussed at the dogs because they had to go outside. Again. And that meant muddy feet or stains on the carpets. I made myself and everyone around me miserable all day long.

By bedtime, my bad mood had simmered itself into a touch of headache, forehead crinkles of unhappiness and tight muscles. I felt as miserable as I’d sounded all day. I began my prayer time with God by listing my miseries for the day, counting not blessings but complaints.

That’s when it hit me. I listened to my own voice and thought about how awful I sounded. The most fascinating thought popped into my head. How would I feel if my voice were being broadcast over a loudspeaker right this moment? Would I be comfortable with the tone and content? Or would I be ashamed if others heard how hateful I was being?

What if my minister could hear me now? Griping and complaining, fussing, raising my voice. What would my prayer group think if they could hear the irritability in my words? How about my neighbors? Or my children’s teachers?

Was it OK to sound awful as long as I did it only with family, dogs, or sales clerks? Was it OK to take out a bad mood on anyone around me, no matter how unhappy I might feel?

The thought amplified. What if my unpleasant words were recorded and played before church during the announcements? Or at a school PTA meeting? Or over the grocery store speaker system? Or on a local TV channel? Would I be pleased with myself, or ashamed? Would I be representing my God nicely? I don’t think so.

So I decided to act as if every word that erupted from my mouth the next day would be recorded and played on the evening news. I decided to think more carefully before I let anger or complaints pop from my mouth. I imagined my irritable words broadcast for all to hear.

I started listening to what I said and how I said it. Even with the dogs. If I raised my voice, I started being more aware of how I sounded. Was that the me I wanted to be? Did I want to see my dogs moping because I’d yelled at them? Did I want to join a pity party with everyone I encountered? Did I want to be a person who whined and fussed?

I wish I could say I’ve become perfect—that the words from my mouth are always thoughtful and kind, that my tone of voice is mild and gentle, that I never pour out complaints and irritability. I can’t say I’ve reached my goal. Not yet. But I’m working at it. I’m thinking each day how my words would sound played back for me at church or in any other public place.

God hears my words, even when I’m alone. He hears the unspoken words as well as the spoken ones. My bad moods might never be broadcast for the entire world to hear, but God hears. I want to be the person he wants me to be. I want to be someone who is slow to anger, slow to speak—especially if that means griping and fussing. I want to consider the words before they leave my mouth and cause harm to anyone, including me.

Hopefully I’m getting there. With lots of prayer and my imaginary recording to help me guard my words and my attitude, I’m learning to be the person God wants me to be. |L

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 15, 2009 - Bringing Christ to French Guiana
November 1, 2009 - Walking the edge
October 4, 2009 - Proposing a new proverb
September 20, 2009 - Fear and trembling
September 6, 2009 - Elwyn
August 23, 2009 - Where did the Bible go?
August 9, 2009 - The public school: a local mission field
July 26, 2009 - Astonishing the judges
July 12, 2009 - Letting the past go
June 28, 2009 - Line up
June 14, 2009 - The path to spiritual growth
May 31, 2009 - A tribute to one of my heroes
May 17, 2009 - Silent soldier
April 19, 2009 - Operation Resensitization
April 5, 2009 - The temptations of ministers
March 8, 2009 - Conversation over shoes
February 22, 2009 - By their plurals you shall know them
February 8, 2009 - What is missing from your retirement plans?
January 25, 2009 - Turn the page
December 28, 2008 - Abba, Father
December 14, 2008 - Elementary truths
November 30, 2008 - The illusion
October 19, 2008 - Acting like a toddler
October 5, 2008 - Don’t miss this
September 21, 2008 - Foolish schemes
September 7, 2008 - God’s hand is everywhere
August 24, 2008 - The dance
August 10, 2008 - Strange land
July 27, 2008 - God’s amazing grace
July 13, 2008 - A best seller
June 29, 2008 - My grandfather’s clock and worship
June 1, 2008 - Reclaiming the name
May 4, 2008 - God is not our fairy godmother
April 6, 2008 - Success: what is it and who can measure up?
March 9, 2008 - Need to know
February 10, 2008 - The top three myths of singleness
January 13, 2008 - By invitation only
December 5, 2007 - Yes, Abbie, there is a Jesus
November 18, 2007 - 10 Ways to be a good Christmas customer
October 21, 2007 - The dividing line
September 23, 2007 - What do you fear?
September 9, 2007 - A life well lived
August 26, 2007 - To murmur, or not to murmur
July 29, 2007 - The cross and the Christian
July 15, 2007 - Turning the other cheek: still a valuable biblical principle
July 1, 2007 - Why the tie?
June 3, 2007 - The death of a son
May 6, 2007 - A prayer for the dying
April 8, 2007 - The omnipresent God
March 11, 2007 - Do the Amish have superheroes?
February 11, 2007 - What’s your black history?
January 14, 2007 - The split branch
December 31, 2006 - The house of regret
December 10, 2006 - The redemption of the innkeeper
November 26, 2006 - Too many choices
November 12, 2006 - Break the bashing habit: Learning to love the unsaved like Christ does: November 12, 2006
October 15, 2006 - Be ‘salt and light’ this Christmas!: October 15, 2006
September 17, 2006 - Who is a legalist?: September 17, 2006 Issue 38
July 23, 2006 - God speaks through our brokenness: July 23, 2006 Issue 38
June 25, 2006 - 'What I am looking for in my church leaders'