It's not the job of church members to correct leaders," the minister at the out-of-town church said. "Letters criticizing ministers hurt deeply. They are damaging and destructive-even if the person writing them is right."

I felt like the minister was speaking directly to me. I had been writing letters to try to persuade my minister to "see the light" in certain areas where I felt he was blind. I had to admit it hadn't helped to change things-except our relationship. Now it seemed he avoided me. And he had stopped responding to my letters.

This minister went on to say that our main job as church members is to pray for our minister and to leave the correcting to other leaders in the church. I realized I saw myself as a leader since I was a leader in many arenas. But at that moment it dawned on me that my minister didn't see me as a leader. He saw me as a sheep trying to tell the shepherd how to lead sheep. At the time I wrote the letters, they seemed so right. Now I knew I was wrong. After the service, the minister greeted me. I confessed I had been trying to correct my minister.

"What do I do now?" I asked.

"Write him a letter of apology-and continue to pray for him."

Making Amends

I stopped in the bookstore and found a minister appreciation card with a picture of a shepherd on the front. On the inside were words of gratitude. I sent it and enclosed a letter saying, "I want to say for all the times I've criticized you-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having unrealistic expectations and for blaming you when members of the congregation have misbehaved.

"One excuse I've made for writing previous letters was: 'I'm a leader.' I realize now you don't see me as one.  . . . You have plenty of leaders around you, including the 70 (a group of men our minister meets with once a week). I also justified the letters by saying they were constructive criticism and insisting I was just trying to help the church. The bottom line is I didn't trust God . . . . Also, I was still suffering from a distrust of those in authority because of rejection I had received from my father and husband . . . .

"I read recently in Hebrews 13 (The Amplified Bible) about how to behave toward leaders. I saw the verbs: remember, observe, consider, imitate, obey, submit, recognize (their authority), do (your part), keep praying. I pray you'll forgive me. I commit to fervently pray for you and other leaders at our church and to stop writing critical letters. Thank you for being gracious when I was not . . . Sincerely . . ."

Although my minister had ignored the letters I had sent in previous months, he sought me out, thanked me for the letter, and accepted my apology.

God has shown me I can influence leaders without correcting them-by writing for my church newsletter, responding honestly to leaders who seek me out and want to hear what I have to say, and obeying God in doing what he's called me to do at our church. But I now see the number one way to influence leaders in my church is to pray for them. What often comes to mind as I embrace my role as an intercessor for our church is that "God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede" (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest).

Praying Faithfully

I still battle discouragement about situations in our church. At times I've stopped praying and even considered leaving. My ceasing to pray-like my attempts at correcting leaders-has been due to impatience, which was based in pride. God continues to teach me lessons about waiting and praying-which apply to all areas of my life.

Not long ago, my minister said during a sermon that God spoke to him in a powerful way during the past week. He listed what the Lord had shown him. In that list were corrections. What amazed me is that the corrections were things that we in the prayer ministry had been praying about-some for many years-most of them issues I hadn't written to him about. In that one encounter, God spoke to his heart in a way that a thousand letters from church members could not.

That day as I listened to my minister confess before the congregation, I was convinced of the power of praying for church leaders. God didn't need unsolicited help from me to communicate to those in leadership. He will continue to do it in his way and in his time. My job is to pray-and obey. 

Elaine Creasman is a freelance writer in Largo, Florida.

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 15, 2009 - Bringing Christ to French Guiana
November 1, 2009 - Walking the edge
October 18, 2009 - Watch what you say
October 4, 2009 - Proposing a new proverb
September 20, 2009 - Fear and trembling
September 6, 2009 - Elwyn
August 23, 2009 - Where did the Bible go?
August 9, 2009 - The public school: a local mission field
July 26, 2009 - Astonishing the judges
July 12, 2009 - Letting the past go
June 28, 2009 - Line up
June 14, 2009 - The path to spiritual growth
May 31, 2009 - A tribute to one of my heroes
May 17, 2009 - Silent soldier
April 19, 2009 - Operation Resensitization
April 5, 2009 - The temptations of ministers
March 8, 2009 - Conversation over shoes
February 22, 2009 - By their plurals you shall know them
February 8, 2009 - What is missing from your retirement plans?
January 25, 2009 - Turn the page
December 28, 2008 - Abba, Father
December 14, 2008 - Elementary truths
November 30, 2008 - The illusion
October 19, 2008 - Acting like a toddler
October 5, 2008 - Don’t miss this
September 21, 2008 - Foolish schemes
September 7, 2008 - God’s hand is everywhere
August 24, 2008 - The dance
August 10, 2008 - Strange land
July 27, 2008 - God’s amazing grace
July 13, 2008 - A best seller
June 29, 2008 - My grandfather’s clock and worship
June 1, 2008 - Reclaiming the name
May 4, 2008 - God is not our fairy godmother
April 6, 2008 - Success: what is it and who can measure up?
March 9, 2008 - Need to know
February 10, 2008 - The top three myths of singleness
January 13, 2008 - By invitation only
December 5, 2007 - Yes, Abbie, there is a Jesus
November 18, 2007 - 10 Ways to be a good Christmas customer
October 21, 2007 - The dividing line
September 23, 2007 - What do you fear?
September 9, 2007 - A life well lived
August 26, 2007 - To murmur, or not to murmur
July 29, 2007 - The cross and the Christian
July 15, 2007 - Turning the other cheek: still a valuable biblical principle
July 1, 2007 - Why the tie?
June 3, 2007 - The death of a son
May 6, 2007 - A prayer for the dying
April 8, 2007 - The omnipresent God
March 11, 2007 - Do the Amish have superheroes?
February 11, 2007 - What’s your black history?
January 14, 2007 - The split branch
December 31, 2006 - The house of regret
December 10, 2006 - The redemption of the innkeeper
November 26, 2006 - Too many choices
November 12, 2006 - Break the bashing habit: Learning to love the unsaved like Christ does: November 12, 2006
October 15, 2006 - Be ‘salt and light’ this Christmas!: October 15, 2006
September 17, 2006 - Who is a legalist?: September 17, 2006 Issue 38
July 23, 2006 - God speaks through our brokenness: July 23, 2006 Issue 38
June 25, 2006 - 'What I am looking for in my church leaders'