At a Men's Retreat at Round Lake Christian Assembly, one of the workshops presented was "What I Am Looking for in My Church Leaders." We asked two new members from two of our churches to explain why they had come and why they had stayed at the churches they now attend. Both had been immersed in the previous six months. One came from a mainline denomination, while the other was primarily unchurched. The following is a synopsis of their conclusions.

•  Your interactions will dictate how much I want to come back.
   -If you acknowledge me, but don't pressure me, I will feel important but not belittled. I want to be noticed, but not singled out.
  
• Surround me with Christian people and Christian fellowship and I will be back.
   -I understand my weaknesses and strengths already. I am in church to build on my strengths. I want to be part of a team that is going the same direction.
  
•  Teach me up front what I need to know so I am comfortable.
   -If you worship in "church speak," then give me a guide sheet. I am not stupid. I can translate. Give me a way to understand your service and your programs so I don't feel stupid.
  
•  If my child finds joy at church, I will be back.
   -I want to know God and I want my kids to love God and his people. I love my kids. If they don't enjoy the church, I will go somewhere my
  child enjoys.
  
• Make sure I experience "family" in my church. Win my loved ones and I will be there.
   -My life is tough. I have real disagreements with my wife, real frustrations with my kids. If you can help get us all on the same page, you have my loyalty.
  
• Require something of me. Give me responsibility and ask more of me.
   -I am a man, and will find a place to be treated as such. I can take it. Shoot straight about commitment. Ask me to get out of the bleachers and onto the playing field. I want to make a difference somewhere.
  
• Don't tell me to come unless you are there.
   -I like accountable leaders who lead by example. There aren't many anywhere in the world, maybe not many in the church. If leaders aren't showing the commitment they ask from me, don't waste my time.
  
• Don't look down on me if I come to Christ in life.
   -I want to belong. I want to be a valid part of a team. Not a bench-warmer. Take me the way I am, and let's get to it.
  
• Don't be impersonal.
   -Again, ignore me, look past me, or avoid me, and I will do the same to you. Jesus was personal. I need a personal Savior and personal Christian friends.
  
• Live the words.
   -Hypocrisy is epidemic everywhere. The church has to be the exception.
  
• Tell me what to expect.
   -Once I am part of the team, show me places I can do significant things, and let me know what it takes to get to the next place in my spiritual life.
  
• Don't be part of a power struggle. I see that at work. I saw that at unfaithful churches.
   -I don't want your baggage. I have my own, thanks. If Jesus is the point, show me that. If you can't get along, I will move along.
  
• Lead by example.
   -If you are asking for people to feed homeless folks, be there to feed them. If you say the widow Kribbets needs her house painted, then show up with a brush. If you say purity is a worthy pursuit, then be transparent and show me you are chasing purity too.
  
• Do things because of Scripture, not because it was always done that way.
   -I want bottom lines. My house is built on a foundation. I want no less for my walk with God. I believe. Help me believe. Show me that God's Word is the source book, and I will have the compass I need, whether I like it or not, and whether I accept it all immediately or not.   

Ryan Hayden is minister of the Barberton First Church of Christ in Barberton, Ohio.

OTHER COLUMNS:
November 15, 2009 - Bringing Christ to French Guiana
November 1, 2009 - Walking the edge
October 18, 2009 - Watch what you say
October 4, 2009 - Proposing a new proverb
September 20, 2009 - Fear and trembling
September 6, 2009 - Elwyn
August 23, 2009 - Where did the Bible go?
August 9, 2009 - The public school: a local mission field
July 26, 2009 - Astonishing the judges
July 12, 2009 - Letting the past go
June 28, 2009 - Line up
June 14, 2009 - The path to spiritual growth
May 31, 2009 - A tribute to one of my heroes
May 17, 2009 - Silent soldier
April 19, 2009 - Operation Resensitization
April 5, 2009 - The temptations of ministers
March 8, 2009 - Conversation over shoes
February 22, 2009 - By their plurals you shall know them
February 8, 2009 - What is missing from your retirement plans?
January 25, 2009 - Turn the page
December 28, 2008 - Abba, Father
December 14, 2008 - Elementary truths
November 30, 2008 - The illusion
October 19, 2008 - Acting like a toddler
October 5, 2008 - Don’t miss this
September 21, 2008 - Foolish schemes
September 7, 2008 - God’s hand is everywhere
August 24, 2008 - The dance
August 10, 2008 - Strange land
July 27, 2008 - God’s amazing grace
July 13, 2008 - A best seller
June 29, 2008 - My grandfather’s clock and worship
June 1, 2008 - Reclaiming the name
May 4, 2008 - God is not our fairy godmother
April 6, 2008 - Success: what is it and who can measure up?
March 9, 2008 - Need to know
February 10, 2008 - The top three myths of singleness
January 13, 2008 - By invitation only
December 5, 2007 - Yes, Abbie, there is a Jesus
November 18, 2007 - 10 Ways to be a good Christmas customer
October 21, 2007 - The dividing line
September 23, 2007 - What do you fear?
September 9, 2007 - A life well lived
August 26, 2007 - To murmur, or not to murmur
July 29, 2007 - The cross and the Christian
July 15, 2007 - Turning the other cheek: still a valuable biblical principle
July 1, 2007 - Why the tie?
June 3, 2007 - The death of a son
May 6, 2007 - A prayer for the dying
April 8, 2007 - The omnipresent God
March 11, 2007 - Do the Amish have superheroes?
February 11, 2007 - What’s your black history?
January 14, 2007 - The split branch
December 31, 2006 - The house of regret
December 10, 2006 - The redemption of the innkeeper
November 26, 2006 - Too many choices
November 12, 2006 - Break the bashing habit: Learning to love the unsaved like Christ does: November 12, 2006
October 15, 2006 - Be ‘salt and light’ this Christmas!: October 15, 2006
September 17, 2006 - Who is a legalist?: September 17, 2006 Issue 38
July 23, 2006 - God speaks through our brokenness: July 23, 2006 Issue 38
May 28, 2006 - Walking in humility